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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xZombieLovex Offline
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Exclamation I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 13th 2012, 04:15 AM

The title kinda speaks for itself.

Yes. I did have sex with my gay friend. BEST friend.

Yesterday I invited him over to drink and smoke...When we were really drunk he kept telling me that he wanted me to see his uhh downstairs. (I want to make this less than PG-13 haha) I just brushed it off because I know he's very gay and doesn't like the female body parts at all, but...

The alcohol took over... We had sex last night..I regret it so much..

Now I think he mad at me. He didn't go to school today, and I tried calling him to see if he was okay and all he said was. "I can't talk right now, bye." He's never done that...

I'm just afraid that I lost my best friend forever


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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 13th 2012, 04:26 AM

Yes, he may be upset with you... but more than anything else, I'm betting he's embarrassed about his behavior - embarrassed about drinking too much alcohol, losing his inhibitions, and having sex with someone that he normally wouldn't have sex with. Another possibility is that he's experiencing confusion - even though he was drunk at the time, he may be wondering if this means he's bisexual vs. homosexual, and talking to you while he's still trying to figure things out could be too awkward.

I would give him some time to process everything and approach you when he's ready. Maybe you could send him a short text message every couple of days, just to say, "Hey, hope everything's going well, I'd love to hear back from you!" You'd be leaving the door open for him to respond, but you wouldn't be pressuring him to respond before he's done processing everything.


   
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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 13th 2012, 04:57 AM

Robin's right; I bet he's more upset with himself than he is with you. When we drink, we lose all control of things that we normally have control over. The fact that he drank too much alcohol, he lost control and had sex with a female, which he normally wouldn't have, has probably made him confused AND embarrassed. His reactions aren't uncommon, and/or unnatural. He's reacting like anyone would after a one night stand with someone they're close with.

Right now, I'd just give him some space to think things over. Trying to fix things right away might make the situation much worse than it needs to be, so let him be for a while. If he brings it up, talk about it but don't keep bringing back the memory of what happened when it's now going to be a touchy subject for him.











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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 13th 2012, 05:57 AM

Are you sure he's gay? Maybe he's bi and he doesn't want to admit it. Alcohol is good at bringing out the truth in people, I know this from experience.


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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 13th 2012, 06:54 AM

I think everyone else who has commented is right. He is embarrased by his actions, and is confused. Or you could think that the fact he didnt resist was because he wanted it. Things will take a turn for the best. Just ALWAYS remember that you will get your best friend back. Never lose faith.
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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 14th 2012, 04:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carpe Diem View Post
Are you sure he's gay? Maybe he's bi and he doesn't want to admit it. Alcohol is good at bringing out the truth in people, I know this from experience.
Alcohol doesn't bring out the truth in people in every scenario and yes, it is possible for someone completely gay to have sex with the opposite gender. How do you think gay men that are married have children with their wives?

Your best friend is probably mortified by what happened last night. He could be feeling confused, or disgusted with himself, or embarrassed, or a number of things. It's going to take time for him to come down again. One things is clear: you both violated your comfort zones pretty badly, and there is going to be some fall out from that.

Does that mean you can never be friends again? No. But give him some space for a little while, and when he seems to be back in the swing of things, talk to him about it. It will need to be discussed at some point, after all, to move the relationship forward.


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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 14th 2012, 08:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Superstar View Post
Alcohol doesn't bring out the truth in people in every scenario and yes, it is possible for someone completely gay to have sex with the opposite gender. How do you think gay men that are married have children with their wives?

Your best friend is probably mortified by what happened last night. He could be feeling confused, or disgusted with himself, or embarrassed, or a number of things. It's going to take time for him to come down again. One things is clear: you both violated your comfort zones pretty badly, and there is going to be some fall out from that.

Does that mean you can never be friends again? No. But give him some space for a little while, and when he seems to be back in the swing of things, talk to him about it. It will need to be discussed at some point, after all, to move the relationship forward.
Not in every scenario, but it does in some. I was just Highlighting the fact that it could be a possibility.


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Re: I had sex with my gay best friend... - March 14th 2012, 02:32 PM

There's no way to know what's going on in someone else's mind, what they're thinking or feeling. We can only infer. And I think the easiest and perhaps most accurate inference is that he's got some feelings about what happened. What exactly those feelings are and how he'll respond to them is unknown...the only way to find out is to ask.

So, it's probably a really good idea for you to check in with him in a very general, very gentle way how he's doing...and be prepared to listen and respond non defensively.

As a few FYI's, being gay isn't about sex (the act) it's about feelings. So, it's entirely possible to have straight sex with gay people, or put another way, what type of sex someone has doesn't always indicate what their sexuality is. Usually, yes, but not always.

Also, whenever you add or change the nature of a relationship (like adding sex) you take a risk, and that risk increases proportionally to the emotional intensity of those changes. Sometimes it works out, sometimes...as you see...it complicates things. When you add alcohol, when you add insecurity ("Look at this"), and when you add sexual orientation (gay), you increase the probability of it not working out so well.

Talk with him...


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