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Kobelco397 Offline
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bf had sex with another girl... - March 15th 2012, 03:39 AM

so i have been dating this guy for about 7 months and he was the first guy i had sex with. we had a special bond and i honestly could see spending the rest of my life with him. i also have gotten so close with his family and we hang out with them constantly. the other day, he told me he had sex with a friend about 2 weeks ago. my heart was broken after he told me. i trusted this guy and i love him. he promised this will never happen again and that he loves me and needs me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. as of right now, i'm giving him a second chance, but he has to earn my trust back and i still need to forgive him. i really question if i'm doing the right thing or not. i keep going back and forth about staying with him or not. i just would like some opinions. thanks
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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 15th 2012, 05:37 AM

First of all I'm so sorry for what happened to you especially when everything seemed to be perfect between the two of you before and the fact that you lost your virginity with him will make everything even harder for you.
I think it was hard for him as well to be honest with you about what he did when he knew that it will hurt you so much. If you still want to be with him, since he's been honest, apologized and asked for a second chance, I think you should just see how hard he's willing to try to earn back your trust and fix his mistake. But if it happens again in the future, I don't see why you should keep the relationship with him. When a person loves you so much, he will try hard not to let the same big mistake he did happens again.

In the end you're the one who have to decide whether you want to be with him or not at the moment. Whether you can accept the fact that he slept with a girl while he's in a relationship with you and whether or not you want to forgive him. If you're still unsure of what to do now or feeling hard to accept the truth, maybe both of you might want to take a break and let him gives you some times until you can calm down and decide what you want to do.

The best thing is just to follow your heart. You'll find an answer there. Good luck dear!

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto

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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 15th 2012, 10:37 AM

Sorry to hear that this happened to you.

As to whether it's the right decision or not. I don't know. Only YOU do. Was he worthy of this second chance? There is no right or wrong in this situation. It's only what feels right or wrong to you. Do you think this second chance isn't worth it? Then, you might have made the wrong decision. But, I can't make such a life-changing decision for you. Cheating is something I see as unforgivable, and second chances would only be given out if that person proved to me something like this wouldn't happen again. But, that's MY opinion, and what I would do if the situation arised.

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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 17th 2012, 03:40 AM

I'm sorry to hear what happened between you and your boyfriend, but Zelophobia is right. Only YOU know if he's worth giving a second chance to. The other things is, you need to find out what really happened. Did the other woman start things, or did he? Did he even try to stop things from happening (sometimes it's hard for someone to stop something when the other person is really persistant)? Then you have to figure out if he is willing to make up for it, remember, just because someone apologizes for something, doesn't mean that they are truely sorry. Be sure to remember though that just because you love him, is he really worth all the pain? There are always more guys who could be better for you than he is. But only you can deciede that. I hope things go well, and good luck.
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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 17th 2012, 11:59 PM

I'm sorry that happened to you. Getting cheated on is painful, I forgave a cheater once, and They did it again, in result, I got hurt again. but It depends on his matuirty level, some people can get help on that and some just can't grow up.
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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 18th 2012, 12:11 AM

It could have just been a one time "mistake". If you do keep him around, let him know he's on a very short leash.
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Re: bf had sex with another girl... - March 18th 2012, 12:14 AM

Only you can decide if it's the right thing for you or not. No matter what anyone here says, you will need to make that decision in the end. It's your relationship and your life, not ours.

That being said, I know how hard it can be to feel so strongly for someone and think things are going so great only to get blown off your feet. It's a confusing, jarring experience, and it can be really distressing.

What I would suggest is to sit down and look at what you really want, how you really feel, and why you've decided to do what you are doing. He betrayed your trust in the worst way possible. He invalidated the relationship with his actions; he consciously made a choice that was not conducive to keeping you two together.

But you also care deeply for him and want it to work with him. You want to be able to trust him again, even though he hurt you. And you want to be able to give him a second chance. But something in you is questioning that second chance, and it's hard to tell why.

Do not ever doubt your feelings. You are feeling this way for a reason, and it's important to listen to your body and what it is trying to tell you.

If I could give you one piece of advice to help you make this decision, it would be this: never stay in a relationship that invalidates your self respect and your self worth. If you feel this doesn't apply to your situation, then perhaps you guys can make things work. But if it does, perhaps you might take a while to think about if this is someone you really want to be in a relationship with.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where-"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

~The Chesire Cat to Alice~
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