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how to be single and content - March 15th 2012, 03:45 PM

I live with roommates who arent exactly the nicest and flaunt their relationships by talking about sex all the time. It really bothers me! I wish I had a boyfriend but I have lost hope in ever finding anyone because I am still in love with an ex boyfriend who I broke up with a year ago. I hate that i'm still not over it. I tried out a new relationship and it failed miserably. So now what do I do. I feel lonely and depressed. I wish I lived with people who actually brought me up and made me feel loved especially since I don't have a significant other to do that.
   
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Re: how to be single and content - March 15th 2012, 04:23 PM

That sucks i know your pain though. but the best way to be single and content from what ive learned is just go out and enjoy yourself. Go out and do what makes you happy. Ie if you have any hobbies just do them. if not find new ones. and dont put a lot of pressure about being single.
   
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Re: how to be single and content - March 15th 2012, 11:16 PM

Best tip I've found is this: don't define yourself by the fact you're single. There is more to you as a person than your relationship status, and it is those other things which will make you a happier, more confident and therefore more attractive person. So, as Shikamaru says, go out and enjoy yourself, do the things that make you happy, and just socialise as you would do normally. Admittedly the roommates thing doesn't help, but how you respond to that will likely change if you're feeling happier about yourself - and, more importantly, if you're not preoccupied with your ex (and I've been there so you have my sympathies). Focus on feeling better in and about yourself, and the rest should follow.

Hope that helps and take care.


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

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If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
   
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Re: how to be single and content - March 16th 2012, 05:26 AM

First of all, you need to understand that there's a key difference from acceptance and contentment. Unless you're anti-social who absolutely hates everyone and everything, you don't want to be happy by yourself; you most likely want to be happy with another person. Now...you can accept the fact that you're single which will make things easier for you to deal with. There's a distinct difference between the two, and I honestly don't think that you want to be happy with being single, but you just want to learn how to accept the fact that you're single and be able to focus on other issues that you might have.

Doesn't make sense? Well, let me provide personal experience.

In March 2011, I transitioned from trying to be happy with single single into accepting being single. When I pretended to be happy being single, I didn't pursue women; not because I gave up, but because I pretended like relationships didn't matter. It worked for a little while but deep down inside...I still didn't accept the fact that I was single. I wanted a relationship, and no matter how much I hated women or thought negatively of them, I still had that desire for a relationship. So I decided...hey, you know what? I'm going to accept the fact that I'm single, which is something that I can work on...but ultimately, it is not my choice on whether a female likes me or doesn't like me because whether a woman wants to date me is her choice. So I started working out, eating a little healthy, signed up for a dating service...and ta-da! I got a relationship (we've been out for almost a year now). When you accept your single status, that means that you're willing to understand your current position, but you're willing to make some sacrifices and work towards changing your status. You accept your status of single, but you accept the fact that you're willing to change that status instead of saying that you want to be content with being single...because that's saying to yourself that you don't need someone, you'd rather be alone because only you can make yourself happy, and that no other person is worth it. When you understand these clear distinctions, you have to tackle your next issue: your ex-boyfriend.

Until you move on from your ex-boyfriend, you will not change (I can almost guarantee it). You cannot be content, or even accept your single status when you have desires. You cannot be discontent with being single and yet be content at the same time; whatever is causing you to be discontent about being single, you need to solve that issue...whether it's getting back with your ex, coming to closure, or whatever. Until that time, you will not make any significant improvements.
   
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