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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cuzgreeniscool Offline
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Unhappy and its messed up againn. - March 18th 2012, 05:09 AM

So,
I've been in this relationship with this guy for a year now.
And both of us are under the pressure of our exams. But not as much as him,
And we don't talk much nowadays.
We've had our share of ups and downs in life,
But we've had a pretty amazing and strong relationship.
He thinks,
That sometimes I get immature
Like yesterday,
He said he had a headache, and I wanted to talk about a sensitive matter.
And I did. Start.
It pissed him, and I hasn't been talking to me at all.
I mean, yeah, I shouldn't be dependant on him.
But I did keep my ego aside, and apologize to him.
And idk,
He's still pissed.
We've faced a break up in the past. But after a few days, he was the one to come back and apologize, as he was the one to break it off. I mean, I want him in my life. And he's extremely
Mature and not-a-jerk kind of guy.
He's really nice.
And he understands me really well.
He thinks that I'm not understanding.
But I just need a second chance to make things up to him.
But I fear, that there would be no relationship to make things right later on.
Some people said 'don't talk to him for some time, he'll miss u and come along'
But that's not what I think.
Because since he can't read my mind.
I need to put aside my ego, and tell him what's in it.
I'm really confused about wht to do
   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 18th 2012, 05:58 AM

Well as your boyfriend, you should be able to depend on him. Even when he just had a headache, he should have been able to discuss a sensitive topic with you. Honestly to me, it sounds like he's being immature.
If you don't talk to him it actually will make him miss you. That's why when you broke up he eventually came back to you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I think it's best to just have a talk with him and see if you can't work things out. If you don't fix the problems you have, then things will just continue to fall apart.


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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 18th 2012, 08:11 AM

I think you really should talk to him about how both of you want this relationship to be and how to make it better. Try to ask him what he really wants in the relationship and why he thinks that you're being immature or not understanding sometimes. And as you said that he broke up with you and returned again and the other day he didn't want to talk about sensitive matter to you, I think he was just a little bit selfish. You really should talk to him about these things, then try to figure out the way that will increase the understanding of what each individual wants.

As much as you love each other, you mentioned in your post that both of don't really talk much these days and that might be the problem -- lack of communication and eventually both of you don't really understand what each other wants really.

If you want to keep the relationship going and healthy, I suggest you take some times with him to talk. Otherwise, you'll keep your feelings to yourself and he won't talk about it either and as time goes by, before you realize it, there's a distance or wall between you and him and keeping the relationship will be a lot harder. You don't want that to happen. Good luck!


Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto




   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 19th 2012, 02:23 AM

Thanks both of you,
Even I think that I should talk it out.
But,
He's got the exam stress, and its fair of him to say that he doesn't want to talk about all this at the moment.
But he doesn't want to talk to me.
Its been 2 days, since we've had a proper talk.
Hell yeah, we haven't even had a hello or a bye
And its just awkward. For 2 people who used to text all the time. To this.
People are saying that. He's doing this, just so when he goes to college, and whatever little he talks to me is, really loving to me. He's doing it.
But to mend tomorrow! He cannot ruin today. And we've had this conversation.
I mean, he's a really amazing person, and he's been through a lot in life.
A lot of times, he's not comfortable sharing stuff with anyone. Forget about me. Since I know I am the closest. So far.
But,
This lack of communication is killing me.
I don't mind forgetting about all the differences, or talking about them.
As long as he's willing to do too.
But it just seems so hard.
To even cut communication with him, because I'm scared, it might work in the negative direction. And that is something I don't want
   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 19th 2012, 04:42 AM

Its not exactly healthy to have a lack of communication when in a relationship. You need to ask him why he doesn't want to talk to you. Yeah, he has exams and such but he could still find time for a 10 minute phone call at least.
The thing is when he goes off to college, its really important that you two stay in contact and talk a lot since you can't actually physically be together. He should also be loving whenever he texts you, not just when he misses you.


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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 19th 2012, 10:01 AM

I agree with Nicole that when he goes to college he still needs to communicate with you and even more than now because keep in mind that you won't be together often and physically. He'll be busy with his classes and you'll be busy with things that you have to do and if you want to keep the relationship going, it won't be possible to do it unless you both find a way to talk daily, text, phone, Skype or whatever that might work for both of you.

If he really loves you, even when later he goes to college, he should've thought about how to communicate with you from far away, not making you to get used to not talking with him, it just doesn't sound right for me. And again telling you, lack of communication will mess things up. Both of you really need to work this out as soon as the exams' over. By then I believe he won't have any reasons to avoid talking about this with you.


Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto




   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 19th 2012, 04:02 PM

Thanks again
So,
He's got these major assignment submissions in like 2 weeks and he isn't halfway through . He has a lot of stress. If any of you know how difficult IB is.
He's been there with me throught thick and thin. And this space I would give him, would be a way, to be there for him.
Because. He expects me to understand that I'm there.
And he needs this one.
And. It sucks when expectations aren't met right? Specially by someone you love.
So, I think I should just give him this space.
Re-assure him that I love him no matter what.
I should let him focus on this. As its gonna give him a big break in his life
I've always been the one who's been more in need of support. And he's asking it for the first time.
If he's being rude. That's because he's frustrated. And loves me a lot. He takes me to be. A part of him, and he can rely on me to not walk away.

But, yes I miss him, and don't know what to do about that.
This relationship means a lot to both of us, even more to him I'm sure.
We can communicate later. When he's finally free. Because he's a mature guy. And knows what he's doing.
Till that time. I think I should be strong. What do u guys think?
   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 20th 2012, 01:52 AM

Well I do agree with you on giving him space so he can do his work, but even still I stand by what I said earlier in that he should try and find even just 10 minutes so he can talk with you. Too much space can cause people to drift apart so its important to stay in contact.
What I don't agree with is him being rude when hes frustrated. He shouldn't take things out on you and should at least try and still be kind to you, especially because you are his girlfriend.


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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 20th 2012, 02:13 AM

He's busy and stressed out over exams? Hey, welcome to life. Yup, life will always be busy and stressful, whether you're dealing with work, finances, children, or other commitments. If he's going to withdraw completely every time he's got something big on his plate, then you've got a serious problem. The two of you should be drawing closer together, uniting as a couple in order to tackle these tasks, not pulling away and trying to handle things on your own. I can understand if he wants some space so he can focus on the task at hand, but not talking to you at all? That's not okay, in my opinion. Surely he can set aside some time every day to talk to you, even if it's while he's cooking/eating/shaving/traveling to school.






   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 20th 2012, 04:11 AM

Now I really don't know what to do
He means a lot to me. And I can't let him go.
   
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Re: and its messed up againn. - March 22nd 2012, 03:52 AM

Okay first thing? How long has been now since he's talked to you? Are you guys even stilll together? Giving a significant other space is one thing if it's previously disccused, but if after a disagreement my boyfriend stopped talking to me for more than 3-4 days, I would probably call him and be like "are we still together or what? you can't just not talk to me." Me and boyfriend routinely go through periods of stress or time we need space, but that in itself needs to be communicated properly.

For example, last spring, I was dealing with alot of course work, projects, and exams...my bf and I we're fighting alot, and I was falling behind due to stress. So I had a face to face talk with him and told him that I loved him like crazy but I needed to get my work done, that we wouldn't see each other until the semester was finished (3 weeks). We did have about two 5 min phone calls a day, but even those had to kept short since we have a tendancy to only fight on the phone. It worked out really well, talk to your boyfriend and see if something like this would work.


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