ADVICE PLS :(

ellequeen · **ADVICE PLS :( -** April 17th 2012, 07:12 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for awhile now. We've had a good relationship and we are working on getting stronger. My problem is..when I'm with him, I feel so secure..but when when we aren't together, I feel so insecure..
I hate that he goes out without telling me first. I know it sounds ridiculous because he shouldn't be suffocated but Ugh it just makes me feel like he doesnt love me. He would dissapear on me for an hour or two - with no text messages and then when I ask what he is doing, he'll say " Oh i'm at ____" or whatever. I just wish he would tell me beforehand.. but i dont know if its an insecurity thing... advice please?

Xx.Shes.Unbroken.xX · **Re: ADVICE PLS :( -** April 17th 2012, 07:58 AM

My boyfriend hates when I do it to him too, but I get kinda busy and I can't really answer his texts or tell him. But, I hate when I take out my phone and I have a million texts or calls. So, for your boyfriend's sake.. don't do that. It can ruin a relationship. And, yes.. I think it is an insecurity thing. You might be worried something might happen to him, him cheating, or him ignoring you. But, you can't talk all the time. You need your own space, and so does he (Which I barely get from my boyfriend. And, it's annoying as hell.). I do admit, it's not a healthy thing for a relationship. Just talk to him and express your feelings, work it out. Relationships are based on trust and communication. If you don't have the 2 main things.. it's best to let it go for someone you can have that with. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I just want to help.

-Hope all goes well,
Michelle

The Goblins Blade · **Re: ADVICE PLS :( -** April 17th 2012, 08:24 AM

Let him do what he wants to do, if he wants to go out then let him.

Jas · **Re: ADVICE PLS :( -** April 17th 2012, 08:59 AM

I wish I knew how old you were, that would probably affect what I'm about to say a bit... but basically, I think you need to chill. I know it's easier said than done, but a partner is NOT obligated to check with you before they do something unless you've arranged for that to be the case. It makes me think of a parent/child relationship more than a romantic one, honestly. You say he disappears for 'an hour or two' - does that mean you're in constant touch, that you notice such a short period of lack in response? I honestly don't think that's healthy if it's the case...

I think you're right, it's an insecurity thing, and that you do need to deal with it - eventually your need for 24/7 check ins is going to push him away in a big way, because the message you're sending out is that you don't trust him. You don't trust him to make his own decisions or to care enough about you to act responsibly. Without that, man, the relationship is going to crash and burn. Everyone needs some autonomy in a relationship - without it, things get boring and you end up with nothing to say, nothing left to learn, nowhere to go...

Then again, I can't tell you HOW to go about becoming secure. Hell, I don't have it down perfectly. I think limiting your communication a smidge couldn't hurt, but maybe talk to him about that - texting every day is okay for some couples, not for others, ditto every few hours. Think about it and figure out what it is that you're actually worried about - that he's going to stop loving you? that he's going to meet someone else? etc. And then address those concerns. Ask for reassurance around them, if it helps (but again, not constantly). Or maybe even just learn to accept that you're insecure about this, but that it doesn't have to affect your behaviour as much as it sounds like it is now..

Just a few thoughts. *shrugs*

ellequeen · **Re: ADVICE PLS :( -** April 18th 2012, 03:02 AM

any moree?

Hollifire · **Re: ADVICE PLS :( -** April 18th 2012, 04:51 PM

I know all too well about insecurities but you can't sit there and smother him. You two are together, but you're still two individuals. If he wants to go out with friends or simply disappear for a few hours, he's not obligated to tell you his every move. I get that you want to know where he is because you care about him and love him, at the same time though you need to give him his space. You're happy and your relationship is good, don't let your insecurities ruin that. He's not doing anything to hurt you, just let him do his own thing when he needs to. Over time things will get easier for you & this won't bother you as much. Hang in there, sweetness. =)