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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Feel really bad. - April 19th 2012, 01:18 AM

Had a post earlier about a certain situation I put myself in that made me feel really shitty. Wanted to expand on it and get some opinions. (I have a boyfriend of 4 years. Both 19.) Really long but I need advice, please.

So in Panama I made friends with this guy who was our tour guide. I never felt anything for him other than just excitement that I met someone knew. Anyways, I end up bumping into him again unexpectedly at night on the beach. I was already there just hanging out with a couple tourists I met. Anyways there was a dance floor and we ended up dancing for a bit ( not dancing together or grinding or anything like that.) just blending in with the crowd because everyone was doing there own thing, mainly just jumping up and down. That lasted like 5 minutes and so then I go back to the beach and introduce him to the other tourists I was with earlier but they're leaving soon so he asks me if I want to go for a walk. I say sure because I really don't think anything of it. If anything I just remember thinking "I'm never going to see this guy again I might as well develop a bit of a friendship with him." But now that I think about it...I feel awful because I would not have been comfortable with my boyfriend being in that situation too. Not that I was flirting with the guy or had any bad intentions but because the scenery itself just seemed too intimate. Was it romantic? No. It would have been if I was there with my boyfriend. But I felt nothing for this guy and to me at the time it was just walking and talking.

Situation 1. We both walked about knee deep into the water because we found out if you agitate the water it sparkles and we both though that was awesome. I did think the beach was absolutely beautiful and the sky was so stary but I remember thinking I wished I could spend this night with my boyfriend because he would have loved it.

Then we continue to just walk and talk normally about school, family..and I remember telling him that I was glad we met. I then came across a sand dollar and point it out to him because he's never been on a beach before or seen one. So then I take a stick and write down his name and say "There, proof you've been on a beach." But then he writes down my name too which I wasn't excepting and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable because I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. So then he takes my hand for 3 seconds to try to lead me towards the water but I let go and he says "Let's swim." But I only put my legs in and say "You're crazy, i'm not going in." And so I don't. And at this point I just feel like he's starting to flirt with me and I get sort of angry because he ruined a nice night of just talking and getting to know each other. So then I say we should go back and I quicken my walking and i'm kinda rushing to get back to where i'm staying because I just feel uncomfortable now. Not that I didn't trust myself. I did 100%. I just didn't think it was appropriate to be alone with this guy if he was going to flirt with me.

So then we get back to where everyone is and tango music is playing and he's like.."Let me teach you tango!" And I don't want to be mean so I kind of just laugh and im like "Sure..." And he shows me some steps but I half ass attempt them so he takes my hand and tries to show me but after like 5 seconds I let go and keep walking back.

The End.

I just feel so guilty because I put myself into a situation that would have made me uncomfortable if it was reversed. I never looked at it as a "romantic walk on the beach." Because that wasn't what it was to me at all. Sure, I thought everything was really really beautiful, but that's because it was.

I'm going to tell my boyfriend about this but I don't want to hurt him. I feel awful I let myself go on the walk in the first place.


How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
   
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Re: Feel really bad. - April 22nd 2012, 12:19 AM

Hey there! I don't know if you've told your boyfriend about what happened yet, but I just wanted to say that these things DO happen, regardless of our intentions or devotion to our partners. I've been in situations where I was alone with a guy, thought we were just getting to know each other as friends, then started to get vibes indicating he didn't feel the same way (he wanted more). Years ago, I would have beat myself up for "putting myself in those situations." Now, I realize that, while unfortunate, it happens. You thought you were taking a walk with a cool guy. Once you started to get those flirty vibes, you began to back off. I think that's what really matters in this situation. You can't avoid men for the rest of your life, but you CAN handle those sorts of situations with grace... which, from what I've seen, is exactly what you did. You didn't let him "escalate," and when he tried to hold your hand/dance with you, you backed off. If your boyfriend becomes upset after hearing the full story... well, I don't know what to say, because even though everyone is entitled to their feelings, I think it's important to recognize that you didn't do anything malicious or sneaky in this situation. You handled it well, and in the future, you'll handle it just as well, if not better. What more needs to be said? =)


   
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