[Kindred]

Hey Cassie beaut

You have to gain weight to exercise, right? That's called token economy, we're learning about it in psychology It was also applied to me- I had to gain weight or all freedom and technology was taken away from me. Hell, I didn't like it, but I'm alive, and that is something that feel so damn amazing.

Maybe you could make a list of things your eating disorder is taking away from you. Like exercise. But you also need to question why you want to exercise- is it to lose weight? Think. Why do you want to lose weight? Because it gives you a purpose? Find a new one, mine was volunteering on this site. To look pretty? You know it's lies, and that there's nothing beautiful about dying. To be fragile? You're already fragile and your weight has nothing to do with that. Challenge every thought you have, and rationalise rationalise rationalise. Then distract. Your ED won't win this battle kidda.

Skinnnnnnnnnyyyyy isn't everything gorgeous. You know this, and I know it's difficult to apply it, but the best way is to repeat it, and find evidence. List evidence supporting the fact you're beautiful. Yes, fact. You're friggen gorgeous, and I've never seen you. I just know you're a beautiful person, and I've told you before I feel a connection with you, probably because I'm messed up but hey

This is recovery. Recovery itself comes with good things and bad things. This pain is one of them. But as much as you try to justify relapsing, you'll still have to go through this one day, or die- and lose all the future hugs and kisses, love, bungee jumps, holidays, memories, babies, puppies, kittens, soft blankets, laughing until you cry, snuggling up on a cold day in front of a fire, snow, sunshine, beach trips, swimming, playing, smiling, eating ice cream, feeling beautiful, brushing your shiny hair, having a bath after a few days without, eating your favorite food, drinking alcohol, having fun, living.

It's going to worth it. But you need to gain the weight gorgeous, or it's likely your mindset won't improve until you do. Mine didn't. You can do this, and I'm so proud of you. Kick this in the teeth <3