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Name: Brandon
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Re: Forced break-up? - June 7th 2013, 08:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by wert7 View Post
Hi, Teenhelp.
So my girlfriend and I are both 13 (and don't bother replying with "you're too young to date", it won't help anyone), I'm Indian and she's Polish (both born in the U.S) , and after 4 months and a week of dating, my parents are forcing us to break up.
4 months and a week is a long time for young teenagers. I encourage you to date despite how old or young you are. I've heard of relationships lasting that long, but when I was 13...they were like...viewed as gods because it was so rare to find a couple that were young and lasting that long. I'm pretty proud of you, assuming that you're committed to her, and it sucks that your parents "forced" you to break up. I say "forced" in quotations because it's ultimately your decision on where you want the relationship to go, but considering that they are your parents and can royally screw up your young life...it's a tough situation. Legally, they probably couldn't put you out on the streets, but they probably could've forced you to move in with different people or something like that. It's unfortunate that your parents put you in that situation I'm sorry that it happened to you. I'm 23, old enough to be a parent (surely), and I don't think it's part of a parent to decide who you should or shouldn't date. I think that's ultimately your choice who and when to date...with that being said...

Quote:
Originally Posted by wert7 View Post
Now, I had broke it to them earlier almost a week after we first got together about our relationship, and they said that she "was going to manipulate me" and that she'd "pull me into sex", and said that we could "just stay friends".
Your parents need to understand that just because they may force you to just stay friends doesn't eliminate the possibility of her pulling you into sex. I don't mean to go against my own gender, but I'd say that men are more likely to pull women into sex than the other. If girls are more likely to pull me into sex, then sign me up because I've NEVER had a woman initiate sexual interaction with me. This is also an indication that they don't trust you because even if your girlfriend (and I say girlfriend because you still love her even though you aren't allowed to date her) says she wants to have sex doesn't mean that you're going to have sex. Also, they also may not think that you're intelligent enough to understand when someone is trying to manipulate you. Ultimately, your parents believe that you're an idiot, and you're not to be trusted. That is not good parenting. Either you've done something that would prevent your parents from trusting you, or they just have trust issues considering that you're their responsibility.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wert7 View Post
I know it wasn't right, but I lied to them telling them we broke up and everything, and they believed it for a while. Well, early after I lied, they found some explicit conversations between us on Steam (a chat program and game launcher for those who don't know). However, we both promised to never have sex until we're married, and we both definitely don't want kids. (take a wild guess :P) Earlier today they found a message I had sent her (I'm currently in India, so we can only chat for short periods at a time) about how my parents are getting suspicious, so I had to go, along with the words "Love you~". I was planning on revealing the whole situation after we came back, and now they want to cut us both off from any communication and have us break up. (They took my phone and I'm using my dad's laptop with permission to type this, I left my laptop at home).
There's an important thing that you have to understand about parents. You're still their child and you still have a lot to learn about responsibility and all that stuff. Typically, you're better off telling the truth than you are lying because when you lie...you have things to hide. If you parents know you're hiding something, they have no reason to trust you. Ultimately, you have to earn that trust. If I were in your situation, I would much rather say "dad...mom...I know that you don't want us to date and I don't want to lie to you. I really like this girl, I really care about her, and I'm not going to break up with her but I also don't want to go behind your back." So I would suggest that you not lie from now on and if you're willing to bare the consequences, you need to man up and accept those consequences if you feel that your girlfriend is worth fighting for. If they realize that she means a lot to you, they may eventually change their minds and be more accepting of this girl. But if you lie, you ruin your chances of shit getting better.

I would sit down and have a real conversation with your parents. If you feel like using some of the stuff I mentioned in your conversation, so be it but you need to be respectful to your parents. I would tell them..."look...I've done a lot of thinking and I realized that I never really understood your position till now. I'm sorry for lying about what I lied about and I promise that I won't do anything behind your back again. But I have strong feelings for this girl, she means a lot to me and I'm not going to break up with her or cut off our relationship. I understand that you have doubt about the girl and afraid that I may put myself in a bad situation, but I promise that if it comes to that, I will seek your advice and let you be involved with what goes on in our relationship because I know that it would mean a lot to you if you know what goes on so that you won't feel like I'm doing anything behind your back. But please, I like this girl and I'm willing to compromise with you as long as you're willing to compromise with me." That's what I would do...but the main thing is that you be respectful and show that you're mature enough to handle a relationship.