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Age: 29
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Location: Hogwarts

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Join Date: April 12th 2012

Re: Forced break-up? - June 8th 2013, 06:32 PM

How traditional is your family if you don't mind my asking? I ask simply because I know that, for example, my family is super liberal and my background is European, so if my parents told me not to do something, yes, I'd be expected to respect them and listen to them, but there were circumstances, such as with friendships or boyfriends where my parents would sort of suck it up if they epxressed their disapproval and i was like "look, no, this is how it is and this is why I am not cutting this person out of my life" and as long as nothing bad was going to happen (ex. crazy partying, drugs, extreme sexual risks) then they'd tolerate it. But I know in some families, such as Indian families, it might not be as ok for you to defy your parents even over minor things. And I can definitely see that causing a conflict for your because you might be crossing 2 cultures, one where you are very much Indian culturally because of your parents and one where you are very American culturally because you were raised in the USA (make Canadian, British, Australian etc as necessary) and it might be hard for your parents to also understand when you do things (such as dating a girl at 13) if it isn't something accepted by your Indian culture... So that's why I ask, it affects what my answer to you would be in some ways.

But in any case, dating someone at 13 is perfectly fine. Yes, it's young, and no, i highly doubt you will marry this girl, and yes, I think 13 is pretty young to be definite about not wanting a kid as most 13 year olds don't want kids and that's not likely to be a permanent decision. But that doesn't mean I won't take your relationship any less seriously or that you can't love her (or care for her in a romantic way very deeply if you aren't sure it's love) because I think as humans we are capable of being in love many times, some people might only be in love once, some of us will be in love many times. Besides 4 months is really good, especially at 13, most teenagers only last 3 months or less.

To deal with your parents, you might want to to tell them that you like this girl and that you're sorry that they disapprove but you'd like them to take your position on the matter into consideration before making any long lasting decisions about trying to make you guys cut off contact. Let them know you were going to be honest with them and going behind their backs isn't ideal for you because you respect them and don't want to lie about who your are with/talk to etc. Tell them that you don't want them to punish you, but that they might want to do X, Y and Z so that you guys don't have to clash and that you'd rather be able to be honest about things so that they know what's going on rather then feeling like you have to hide stuff because you don't want them punishing you, remind them that you do good in school and that you help around the house and do X, Y and Z that's good and that you would prefer to have an open line of communication and that they respect that you need to be allowed to experience things. If there is the culture difference that you explained it might be hard for them to understand things you'll do different from them because you were raised different and you might want to try to help them understand that and you might want to explain how it'll be more normal for you to date someone who's different culturally/ethnically because unlike their childhoods in India you are not living in an environment where Indians (Hindus?) are the majority and it's a bit hard to be that picky in other countries, trying to help them understand that might help. I say that because you mentioned race so it sounds like a factor.




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