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Asteria Polemoi Offline
Female Oddity
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Name: Emily
Age: 22
Gender: Agender; female pronouns okay
Location: United States

Posts: 20
Join Date: September 20th 2012

Re: Wow I am so confused about myself - July 2nd 2013, 03:45 AM

Hi there, I'd like to put in my own thoughts.

I spend a lot of time on AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) because I'm an aromantic asexual. I have learned so, so much on there and I'd like to share some of it with you in hopes of helping.

There are a lot of different forms of attraction. I can tell you four of them right off the bat: aesthetic, sensual, romantic, and sexual. Aesthetic attraction is thinking somebody is pretty. Sensual attraction is wanting to touch somebody. Romantic attraction is wanting to be in a romantic relationship with somebody. Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex.

To really explain these, I'll create a scenario.

Let's say I'm a cisgendered female (in case you're unfamiliar with the term, I was born a girl and identify as a girl). I have just met a man on the street named Robert. At first I think Robert's really, really attractive. He's very nice to look at and reminds me of my favorite movie stars. That would be aesthetic attraction.

After talking to Robert for a few months, he's always on my mind all the time. I crave to be with him and share my life with him. I want him to be close to me. Thinking of him gives me butterflies and I just can't seem to breathe or speak when I'm around him. I want him to be my boyfriend. That's romantic attraction.

Robert and I start dating. I really, really want to touch him all the time. I hold his hand wherever we go and I love cuddling with him on the couch at nights. I try to sneak a kiss in different places and for the rest of the time I just enjoy hugging him. That's sensual attraction.

We've been dating for quite some time now and I finally can't deny my other feelings. With each day, my craving for him grows more and more. I finally give in and have sex with him. I've been wanting to have sex with him for quite some time now. That's sexual attraction.

People tend to mix up all four of these attractions. All four! They're very, very different.

We all know about sexual orientations, but romantic orientations are something that many people don't know about. Sexual orientations is what genders you would have sex with, while romantic orientations are what genders you would date. For example, while maybe somebody would just have sex with cisgendered males, they might date cisgendered males and females. In that case, they would be a biromantic heterosexual.

Society has this warped thought that if you're dating somebody, you must be having sex when that is not the case. You can be a panromantic asexual, which would mean you would be in a romantic relationship with anybody of any gender but not have sex with anyone because you're not sexually attracted.

From what it sounds like, you could be biromantic, but it really sounds like you're a homoromantic. I don't know about your sexual orientation; if you would have sex with girls as well, then you're a homoromantic homosexual.

As for thinking guys are cute, you're just aesthetically attracted to them, which is NOT the same thing as being romantically or sexually attracted to them.

I really hope this helps.


"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Feel free to message me anytime. I would love to talk with you.