Hey y'all.
So, long story short to spare you any of the unimportant details. I was raped last fall by someone I was dating. I had absolutely no interest in dating anyone afterwards until a few months ago when I met someone amazing. He's the first person I shared my experience with and was very understanding and sweet, we have been taking our time and haven't had sex yet, although both of us have wanted to.
The thing is, I am a very sexual person, I dated a lot of people, but prior to being raped I was a virgin. Not for any particular reason just because I hadn't met anyone who I wanted enough to have sex with. The guy I'm with now is the first person I've actually been really turned on by and wanted to be with.
I didn't tell him I was a virgin.
I feel like the first time is going to be awful, and I just want to get it over with. Everytime I get ready to go to his house I feel a little panicked because I know I have to do it soon, I want to, but my body tenses up at the thought.
I've even tried to use a dildo on myself to see if I can convince myself that it won't be as bad as I think. But I can only get it in 3 or 4 inches before it feels really uncomfortable and not right. I don't know if actually being with him will feel different, maybe I'm just not doing it right.
How can I get myself to relax ???
I'm getting extremely frustrated