The last time I cut myself was months ago, but still to this day the urges to self harm will not go away. I decided to stop after I lost it and cut myself in front of my mother deliberately; I felt so much guilt and shame that I promised her I'd never do something so horrible again. Although, I tried really hard, my self discipline has been starting to deteriorate lately. Whenever things start to get bad, all I can think about is cutting and when I refuse myself of it - my mind jumps to other things like burning, scratching, whipping, etc. (Including other bad activities like drinking or smoking) It's like my mind starts racing and is flooded with these urges to do horrible things to myself; and eventually the emotions just become too heavy.
I still haven't cut myself, but lately I've been scratching and pinching my hands until they're swollen and red. I've been also holding my arms in steaming hot water for as long as I can, I keep trying to justify these things because technically they're not "cutting." But deep down I know it's still wrong.
Any advice on how I can get through this? Is it normal to continue having urges for this long?
Thank you for reading
