A life with alcohol
Anonymous by Anonymous
Since about the age of 8 I've watched my dad drink himself into a state night in night out. He would have a pint whilst playing a game with us that would be the norm for a Sunday night whilst mum cooked the dinner, it never really bothered me that much as alcohol has always been in this house and always will be, but it was around the age of eight he started drinking heavily. During the day he is sober , holding down a job, working 9-6 in an office. He's not the 'stereotypical alcoholic'. But he's still an alcoholic.
It wasn't just Sunday nights he would drink. It was and still is every night. I can remember when his drinking would get out of control and still does. I have always felt different from my friends - in school most Monday mornings or days would start with sharing what we did at the weekend, most people would say they spent time with their dad, or that they took them somewhere, when it got to me what could I say ? 'Dad just drank' No. Talking about dad and his drinking isn't something we were allowed too and are still very much not allowed to do. Usually I would just say we went to the park or dad took us for an ice cream. Sometimes we did go to my Grandma and Grandpa's and I'd say that.
It wasn't really till my bed times got later and later that I really began to notice how much my dad drinks. A pint maybe 3 pints of beer a night was all I saw aged 8. Once I got to the age of about 11 my bedtime had got later and it was then that I was seeing my dad drinking more and more and more (and still am). But it was about this age I was beginning to notice my dad passing out on the sofa and having friends round was getting hard as they would want to stay later and this would mean them seeing dad drunk! So if they came round or come round I usually make sure they are gone by 7pm. I was going to school tired and exhausted from waiting up for dad to either go to bed or pass out on the sofa and trying to wake him up. I was getting angry in school not just because of what was going on at home but also because of I was getting bullied at school it was like where ever I went I was dealing with name calling and abuse. It was like there was no escape from it at all. I was labelled as naughty and badly behaved.Threatened with suspension and isolation and put on report.
I began to bunk school. Hang around in town and bunk class.
If I did attend lessons people would irritate me and annoy me and I would get angry. No one ever asked if I was okay and simply just assumed that was how I was. The reality was at home I was trying to juggle school work and my dads drinking with the abuse and arguments and avoid getting in trouble at school. Yet I could not tell anyone at school what was happening, I couldn't find the words and really didn't know how to actually word it and I felt like telling would ruin the family and destroy the family secret. So I kept quiet. I'd fall asleep in classes, I'd get angry, yet most of the time I would act like everything was fine.
One night we had a phone-call home from a hospital. Dad had gone away on holiday with his friends, and had been drinking, he had fallen down some steps and cracked his head open and fallen unconscious. The hospital had phoned home to say what had happened, mum told me and suddenly I was worrying whether or not my dad was going to die. I had school the next day and went into school I couldn't concentrate on my work or anything like that, this time a teacher noticed and pulled me aside and asked if I was okay, I didn't really know what to say so said I didn't know and that a hospital had phoned and dad was in hospital because he'd fallen down some steps and hurt himself. I didn't say anything about the fact dad had been drinking. Nothing happened after that and no one said anything more on the matter or the subject.
(I'm gona do more later as its hard writing it all in one go)