[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I think that even though your friend has a good life, if he knew that you were struggling this much, I don't think he'd tell you not to talk to him! I bet he'd be really concerned and at least try and help you through this.

Sometimes you have to drop the fake smile and let someone in, let them know what's going on, because not all the time are they mind readers who will see the suicidal thoughts and urges to self harm that you get. They may not know the signs to look out for.

I think that you should sit down and talk with some of your family and friends about what is going on. You can even print out pamphlets about what it means to self harm or the suicidal thoughts so they can read up on things and learn what you're going through a bit better. They can't help you if they don't know.

You can also speak with a professional like a doctor or therapist about this, because I'm sure they'd have suggestions to help you cope, and could develop a treatment plan with you.

This is a link to a list of reasons to live. Sometimes you have to let the small things happen and make you happy, and let them build up, because your big thing is coming. You have things to do and places to go, people to meet and goals to complete, don't give that up now. There's always something, even something small.

By the way, almost three weeks is a great accomplishment! Every day, minute, hour without self harm is a good thing, so please do think of it as a good accomplishment.

-Dez