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Name: jess
Age: 22
Gender: chick with an imaginary dick
Location: hell

Posts: 902
Blog Entries: 10
Join Date: November 26th 2012

Does this make me a bad person? - May 24th 2014, 10:15 PM

My cousin is visiting us for a few days because he's on leave from his military training. He's about five or six years older than me, and even though I have met him several times before, I don't know him at all. The only way I really know him is from what I hear my mom talking about on the phone with my grandpa (who used to let my cousin live with him), the stories my dad tells, and the one memory I have of him from when I was nine or ten.
I hear my mom say how he doesn't really live anywhere...he just goes from person to person (his parents are divorced and his mom is friggen crazy.)
My dad told me stories about how mean this cousin was to me when I was a kid, and what a little punk he was. He said that he used to chase me around, give me indian burns, and get into trouble a lot.
And the last memory I have of him was when he tackled me at the waist and screamed, "PANTS JESSICA!!!" and my two brothers then proceeded to jump on me as well, as my cousin tried to pull my pants down. They just got to my knees, before my mom ran in after hearing me screaming.
That little episode scared me a lot because it brought back memories of sexual abuse from a neighbor "friend".

Now that he's staying here, I just feel stuck, I guess. I don't want him here. I don't like him. I don't fricking know him. It's honestly just like we invited a complete stranger into our home.
It's not like me to be scared of someone just because I don't know them. It's not like me to be scared of someone at all. I'm not even sure if I'm scared of him. I think I just don't know him???? But when he's talking to my brothers, and then he looks over at me, I just feel so violated and helpless??
It's really a confusing situation...and I'm just hoping someone here can give me some insight as to why I'm acting like this?
Is it wrong that I don't want my own cousin here? Everyone else seems to love him. But I just really don't feel comfortable with him in my house.
Does this make me a bad person?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
haunted by the ghost of you