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Self harm free -
May 26th 2014, 05:40 AM
I've been self harm free for about 397 and there are days when I feel like caving in just because. I have reasons why I would cave in ... the stressful things that are going on but deep down I know I can make it through the urges. But, sometimes I just crave it and sometimes I feel like being self harm free isn't worth it. When I am cutting I feel something but when I am not cutting I feel so empty.
I have reasons not to cut:
- I go deep and need medical attention
- I don't want anymore scars
- I want to make it to 1 year and 6 months
- I would like my scars to fade and maybe be able to go sleeveless
- I don't deserve to harm myself in that way
- I could really do some serious damage
But, sometimes I feel an overwhelming urge to cut. I think things like I could just do it superficially. If I didn't go deep it wouldn't be bad. The only reason I am not cutting is because I don't want to go deep so if I don't go deep it wouldn't be bad. I know myself though and I know if I cross that line I'll eventually go deep and I'll be so disappointed in myself. There is a part of me that feels better without the self harm but I miss it so much too.
I don't know what I am looking for. There isn't really anything anyone can offer. I'll have to live with this forever because it is my addiction and I have accepted it but nights like tonight I feel so close to caving in. Does anyone else feel like this?
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