hello ryan
i'm sorry that you've had to go through so much. But i know that however other people judge you... is probably wrong. I believe that you are really a nice person. I think that you are a nice person to talk to, and you probably are . Just ignore the haters. They dont know just how good of a person you are. And i think that you should have more confidence in yourself because i think that no one should doubt themselves.
Also, i believe that you should talk to your father about how the both of you are always going to be family, and that you'll always be his son.
i know that he's under a lot of stress at the moment, but i believe that he still truly loves you. I just think that certain circumstances has forced him to make some very irrational decisions. But i think that if the both of you try your hardest to make it work, you can make it through with him.
I know that it's been tough.. but things will get better for you.
i'll always be here if you want someone to rant to, or just a friend.