Last night was really bad
I honestly had the worst weekend of my life! Emma, she came back from that fucking arseholes house, she stole a sharpener, she we to her moms with a hangover and watched the movie suicide room. She said to me when she got back to her nans that she had randomly burst out crying. And then again a hour later, she wanted me to video call her as she was crying again, so I video called her and made sure she was ok, then she writ on a piece of paper she had an urge and I tried my best to take her mind off of it and then she ended the call and said she couldn't fight it and she wanted to find the sharpener. She then voice called me again and I could hear her crying and I tried to console her and I panicked and told her you don't need it, you don't need it, you'll be ok, I promise over and over and over and then she said 'I need to find my blade' and she wouldn't stop crying
and then...'I've found it' and I panicked even more, an started to cry and cry and all I could say now was 'please don't' and she did it and she couldn't stop. It ended with 'I've done it' and 'I'm sorry' and finally, the part that hit me the most
It feels so good
And all I could say is 'I love you' and i broke down completely
and she said 'I love you too'
She did say it was me or the blade and she couldn't have both and she chose
We talked for hours after then, I didn't she any cuts, but today I did. She put on the camera so I could see her and she was crying her eyes out and I was saying how perfect and beautiful and how I couldn't live without her and she said people have said she has nobody and she gets hate from every social networking site, and that everyone will leave her and that I will. I told her that I wouldn't ever leave her and she kept saying I will but I won't! And we had a good conversation about our future once this stage had ended nicely. She's scared her cuts will get infected though and she counted how many she inflicted
126
She has another urge that night, but she didn't cry and didn't do a thing, she fell asleep...
The next day, today, she was triggered and didn't want to see me at all. I saw her in the morning, but not as much break and lunch as much as I wanted to find her. She came around in lunch and I was welcomed after not feeling needed. And the rest of the day was pretty mellow, although she had an argument with her mum, and she broke one of her ornaments and threw all her blades onto the floor. Hopefully everything fine now...