[hocus pocus]

I'm sorry for your loss. Grieving takes time, and I don't think people ever finish grieving the loss of someone close to them. You were really close to your friend, and so her passing greatly impacted you. The unanswered questions and regrets you have will eat at you and I suggest either thinking of your own answers for those questions or try to avoid thinking about them. Try to forgive yourself for any regrets that you may have, because holding onto them, onto something you can't change, will only hurt you. Have you considered grief counseling? Perhaps you can look into that so you can get some support through all of this. Just remember that it takes time, so be patient and loving toward yourself.