[Kate*]

Not to brag, but I am quite literally one in a million (possibly rarer), and I keep switching between believing that I will do something absolutely amazing with my life that only I could do, and that I should just kill myself because life will be so difficult for me, I'll never amount to anything, and fighting to fail for the next 100 years is just not worth it. I flip between believing that you are privileged to know me and that I will teach you something that you could only learn from me, and knowing the truth; that I wasted your time and that you've forgotten about me already. Either way I deserve to be treated with respect whether from me or another student, you'll have to learn that it's not okay to treat people that way when you have decades worth of training that taught you NOT to treat people that way.

Academic advisor sounds like fun, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to teach and I'm afraid I won't make it into a PhD. program for anything aside from the GRE issue, I'm afraid I won't get in. I need something I can do well with my differences, enjoy, and use my gift for creative solutions. Either develop my leadership ability or accept that I don't have any.

Back to dark, scary, and dangerous it goes. Don't know why I bother to believe it will work out sometimes.