[Kate*]

Yes, I still feel like crap and would appreciate the conversation you told me you would have with me if this happened. I would never want to be the reason you're not with him if you need to be, but I was expecting something I couldn't have and you were the one I knew would be the most help.

I got a job interview, but I stopped expecting employment months ago. Practice and possibly the start of a work history if nothing else. And now typical depression kicks in and I don't want to do this anymore. It's easier not to, but I have to at least try. Goody, 2 illegal interview questions asked in the pre-screening and I answered them and then realized it later, I won't be crushed if I don't get this now and I know to tread softly in the interview tomorrow.

What part of I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK does the universe not understand?!?! I'll never be completely convinced I can't do it, especially since most people didn't see what the problem was. I don't care if it was a train wreck, I don't care how professional they were(n't) I just want the career I'd been dreaming about, not a job I could've had in high school, I guess not everyone gets a happy ending.

I fucking HATE this feeling and all I want to do is SCREAM and then curl up in the fetal position and never move. WHY can't I shake the feeling that it's not over?! Even God can't change it now; cue the flashbacks. I can't shake the feeling that I'm going back or at least ending up in the profession, but that makes NO sense and it's probably just me remembering stuff.