Thread: Triggering: I need advice now.
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cynefin Offline

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Re: I need advice now. - May 16th 2016, 09:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear about this. Abuse from a parent is especially hard because a parent is supposed to be gentle and nurturing and that's something that has been taken away from you.

You said you'll never openly admit that and I understand where you're coming from. You can't always tell someone, even if you want to. Sometimes, for certain reasons, you have to keep quiet and a secret like this can really damage you. I think the first thing you should do is try to acknowledge your abuse so you feel validated. Knowing what happened to you and acknowledging it is important and it's probably one of the first steps to take. To do this, you can write it down on paper, or on here. You can say it out loud. All you have to say is something like, "My father sexually abused me." The more you say it, more you'll be able to accept it.

I think it would help if you wrote out all of the memories you have of being abused. It will allow you to get them out of your head and it will give them less control over you. Write them in a journal, or blog on here. Do whatever you have to do. In addition to that, write about how you're feeling so things don't eat you up inside. Trauma does a lot to your feelings in the present and will continue to be part of how you feel throughout your life.

Are you still around your father? If so, try to stay away from him whenever you can. I highly suggest creating a safe place and using it when he's around. Try not to spend any time alone with him because that could be triggering for you.

Threats are hard to cope with but know that he used those threats to have control over you. Those threats were made to have you keep silent for as long as possible because abusers thrive off of a victim's silence.

I think you should make a safety plan you can refer to when you're feeling suicidal. You can write a list of hotlines, or safe people to call to talk to if you think you're going to hurt yourself. You can also write a list of things you have to do before you harm yourself and that can help keep you distracted for a while.

I'm here if you want to talk about anything.

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