Thread: Triggering: I don't know...
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Name: Ivan
Age: 22
Gender: Male
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Posts: 357
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Join Date: February 19th 2017

Re: I don't know... - June 15th 2017, 05:46 PM

Hey there! I am so sorry to hear about these incidents, but I do hope things will get better for you over time.

>> I honestly just feel like this is all my fault.

First of all, none of these are your fault! I understand the guilt you must have felt that you did something wrong and get punishments, and even more guilty that you are writing to us about it as it seems like its okay to be punished this way. But its not! From what I see here your father has been really scary when he is mad and can be abusive towards you. Even if you did something wrong he should never beat you up this badly. Please dont feel that its your fault, it can be your fault for doing wrong things, but its never your fault to have these abuses. Most importantly, the whole point of education is to learn from mistakes, not to just punish for doing wrong things, and often we do better after we make mistakes! So even you done wrong things, dont beat yourself up too harshly because everyone make mistakes!

I really hate to say this to a child about their parent, but I must say that your father isnt really doing great in handling his emotions. I know how confusing this must be for you, that you fear of him at times when he is mad, yet you also love him so much. As an outsider I will definitely say that your father is at fault for being abusive. But as his daughter, does the fact that its his fault really matter to you? Is it so important to count every mistakes each family members had made? I know you have a big heart and definitely a caring and loving daughter. From what I read I know how much you love your father. I am not going to tell you to tolerate with the abuse, but when other people hit us we hate them, but when the person is your father do you really need to hate him back? Love is strong and sometimes forgiveness can fix everything!

This is where you can try to think about your father. I know it seems like everything is his fault, but have you wondered maybe he had his own problems too? I know it is hard to be this understanding when he treated you this way. But you said he is a loving person, I am sure he is actually a good person too! Maybe he is having struggles with emotions, and perhaps you can play your role in supporting him! I know you need him, but do realize he actually also needs you too!

What can be a better time for you to talk to your father, when Father's Day is 3 days from now? Perhaps you can write a letter about how you love him, how you forgive him (i hope you do!), how you wish he loves you more, and how you hope he understand that he shouldn't hit you this way even when you make mistakes. Open up to him directly and tell him how you felt sad and hurted because of the mistreats, but let him know that you want to make it better. Ask him what is it that he is mad at you, and promise that you will work on that to be better. And on the other hand, let him know that you want him to improve in controlling his anger, the deal works both ways! Tell him that you are always there for him and want to help him if you could! Ask him whether he is having stress or depression that causes him unable to control his anger well. Just want to let you know that even if you cant help with his problems, the intention of willing to help him itself will allow him to slowly open up and talk to you about it, and with love and patience, I hope he will slowly get better and realize what a loving and caring daughther you are!

Everything takes time to fix, dont give up on your father because you love him, okay? I am sure he will be a great father like he had been once he is no longer at loss, and I hope you and your father will have happy times again in future!

Do my best at everything I can to live a happy, perfect life.

Happy life won't come by being happy everyday. Struggle and always work hard.

Forgive other's imperfection, they will work hard about it once I point it out to them, just like what I should be doing.

On the other hand, never tolerate with my own mediocrity. Never slack and always strive improvement.

Never settle. Never give up.
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