[Jess~]

Originally Posted by ~Abibliophobe~

You're 18 so technically they don't really get much of a say in who you date or, if you even decide to tell them. I know plenty of people who are 20+ years old and they do not tell their parents about someone they have just barely started dating until they feel like they want to or until they feel like the relationship is in a place where they want the person to meet their family.

That being said, since you still live with them they do have the right and the ability to impose their beliefs about dating and if you don't follow the rules they make they can kick you out. And, I am assuming, this is why you are having difficulty with telling your parents? I mean, I don't have overly strict parents and both my parents never wanted to lie to us or hide information about sex from us and so, when I stared dating, or even showed interest in dating my dad was okay with it. He just wanted me to be safe. If I am not making an accurate assumption as to why you are worried about talking to them than please feel free to clarify.

Here's what I will say, if your parents will end up trying to prevent your relationship or if they will threaten to kick you out if you don't follow their rules based on you dating...than you might not want to let them in on the fact that you are dating someone until you aren't living with them. I know two people who have experienced issues with their parents when they started dating at 18+ because the parent didn't agree with them dating or had these really strange rules and pretty much said "Follow the rules or leave". One person was able to move in with her boyfriend but the other person was not and it caused major issues in there relationship.

If your parents won't threaten to kick you out or impede on your relationship in any weird way (Maybe they won't let you have your boyfriend alone in your room). Than you should just come out and talk to them about it. Explain to them that you and him had only been talking and you weren't sure where it was going so you didn't want to tell them. Let them know that your boyfriend is willing to meet them (even wants to). It is very possible that if your parents meet your boyfriend and he is respectful during the interactions he has with them than they will come to like him.

When I first started dating my boyfriend my dad felt super uncomfortable with me staying out with him as late as I was. I told my boyfriend that he was uncomfortable with it because it was my first real relationship and my boyfriend said "That means it's time for me to meet him so he can get to know me" That meeting actually did help ease my dad's mind and he stopped being as paranoid about me hanging out with my boyfriend late into the evening.

If it was completely up to me, I would definitely never tell them. However, now my boyfriend is getting pissed because there are times where he'll spontaneously want to go out to the drive in or just spend the day together and my parents don't work well with spontaneity. I am 18, so I don't have to ask for their permission to go places anymore. However, I still have to tell them where and who I'm going with, which seems like bullshit to me. If they get suspicious when I spend the whole day out of the house, they'll come up to me the next morning and ask really invasive questions about what I did the day before. My lying abilities are nearly perfect now, if I do say so myself.

I'm actually not really afraid of being kicked out, I just don't like people getting all up in my life. I mean, I don't really even talk to my friends about anything. I'll tell them if a funny story happened with my boyfriend, but that's about the extent of it. I'm currently terrified that I may be pregnant and I haven't told anyone.
When I was little I just remember being constantly teased about "having a crush" on every single dude in my life. Even when a "cute" guy my age would come on the TV screen, my family would all stare at me. It seems like a lame excuse for not wanting to tell them I'm dating now, but yeah I just hated how they would all make fun of me for mere assumptions that I liked somebody.
I just don't want them thinking I'm super emotionally invested or anything, because then when we break up I don't really want them to try and help me. It's just awkward, my family's really bad at talking about ANYTHING so I just prefer to deal with my shit on my own.

They do have one rule where there's no people of the opposite sex allowed in our rooms... not even alone, like with a bunch of other people too. Christian households man, I swear.
But I'm glad that it helped you and hearing that makes me hope this will help them too. Thank you for the advice!

Originally Posted by Markus

I have been though this before, especially since I once dated someone of a different race and religion. I say the best way to get through this hurdle is to let them know why you have decided to talk about it instead of holding it in. This would also show your maturity as a 18 year old to be able to keep a level head with difficult situations which I hope in turn impresses your parents.

Yeah, honestly one of my biggest fears with them finding out has to do with the fact he's black. They're not racist or hate black people or anything, but due to my brothers snitching on me in the past, they do know that I've dated 2 black guys before him. When my mom found out about the 2nd one, she asked why I'm "only attracted to these black 'thugs'." Side note: they weren't thugs, they were just black. My brothers would make fun of me endlessly for having "jungle fever" to the point where it felt more like bullying than teasing. When I tried to tell my mom about how they would tease me constantly, just for having a preference, she said, "Well maybe if you brought home a white boy they'd stop."
Okay so there might be a bit of prejudice in there somewhere. I just don't want them asking - because by the 3rd black boyfriend it'll be obvious I have a preference - why I'm "only" attracted to black dudes. Which is completely untrue, but they'll think it is since I've never told them about any of my romantic interests, ever. And I honestly have no idea how to answer that question. It's just attraction based, but it was never the reason I dated my past boyfriends. I don't want to say "it just happens that way", because of course I swipe right more on black dudes than any other race. Much like anyone else swipes right more on people they find attractive, rather than people they find unattractive.

ANYWAY, I think that's a good idea. To tell them that I'm telling them because I don't want them to be suspicious or think I'm doing anything bad when I go out so much.
Thank you so much for the advice!


EDIT: i just wanna say that if he was my first boyfriend of another race, my parents wouldn't care at all. what i'm concerned about and what i think they'll be concerned about is that i obviously have a type and idk... for some reason that just makes me feel like something's wrong with me. i'm not ashamed of him at all, especially not in public. i actually love the extra attention we get as an interracial couple... from both white and black people. we've gotten glares and wide smiles from both races and it honestly is a beautiful feeling to be able to show people - especially in a time where the media is almost literally jacking itself off to a "possible race war" - that we can still unite together. idk.