Birthdays are usually a day that people really look forward to. But I know that some people really dread them and become depressed when they are right around the corner. I myself am one of those people that get anxious and depressed around my birthday. I am going to try and explain why I think this happens and how I plan on stopping the things that usually happen for me this time of year this year.

When my birthday is around the corner I get really (Jenna: Might consider using a different word since you used really twice in the same sentence) excited but I also get really nervous. Ever since my 18th birthday it has become something excitinged and dreadful all at the same time (Jenna: There might be a way to reword this so it flows better. Hopefully someone else will be able to provide some insight on how to reword it or if it's fine as it is). I never thought I would make it to my 18th birthday and when I did I was excited but surprised at the same time. So ever since then I usually become depressed and most of the time end up on a 51/50 around, on or after it.

I was talking to my therapist the other day about this, and we explored the reasons on why I think this happens. I have come to the conclusion that it is because I expect more out of the day then I usually get (Jenna: I feel like this doesn't flow well. Maybe something like "I expect more from the day and I end up being let down by those expectations? Someone else could probably provide something better to use). I usually don’t have friends to celebrate my birthday with, and every year it seems like I get less and less birthday wishes (Jenna: It might help if you elaborate on what you mean by birthday wishes. I think I get what you are saying in that you have certain things you hope for) . I always hope that my best friend who is like a sister to me will say happy birthday, but she usually doesn’t and that really disappoints me. See birthdays for me used to be big pool parties with friends and once I got older they would include sleep overs. But now that I am older I usually do not do anything for my birthday besides a birthday dinner and cake.

You know how you always look forward to your birthday presents? I know I do, but Ssince I have gotten older I am usually the one that picks them out, so I know exactly what I am getting. I always hope that there will be at least one surprise present but most of the time there isn’t. So, this is another thing that I make a big deal out of but it usually never turns out to be a big deal at all.

I usually get so depressed that I do not know how to handle it and get suicidal and end up on a 51/50 hold. This year I plan on making sure that, that doesn’t happen. So, I have put plans into place. My mom has taken the day off work, so we are going to have a mommy/daughter day, while my sister stays with my grandparents, because she usually ends up ruining the day for me in some way. I don’t really know what we are going to do, but I was thinking about maybe going to the zoo since we have free tickets. after I spend most of the day with her, we are going to come home and have my birthday dinner and cake. The days after my birthday I am going to try and make the days as normal as possible and keep myself busy.

I really hope this works and I can stay out of the hospital. If this happens to you around your birthday my advice to you would be, is try and make plans on your birthday so you know exactly what you are going to do that way you won’t be disappointed. I would also suggest spending time with the people you love, and surround yourself with love and support from family members and friends. Do not get so hung up on how many happy birthdays you get on your FB or any other social media. Just try to enjoy the day.

So this is how I plan on not going into a depression and ending up in the hospital for my birthday.


EDIT: I was able to make some edits. Most of the words in orange are mainly in orange because it seemed like you used them a bit more and it might be good to try and change some of those words.