Thread: Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Him.....
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itzz.casper Offline
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Name: Casper
Gender: They/Them/Their
Location: Off In My Thoughts

Posts: 129
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Join Date: November 2nd 2016

Angry Him..... - November 12th 2017, 10:12 PM

Alright, this form is about my dad. And I believe this can be quite triggering so yeah.

I am going to be the first to say, I have daddy issues. I always have. I have daddy issues and mommy issues.

But my daddy issues are way worse than my mommy issues. Me and my mum are working things out. but omfg my dad is pissing me the hell off

My dad left when I was around the 9-11 ages. And I remember when he announced leaving, I grabbed him so tight and literally begged him not to leave. But he picked me up and threw me against the wall and said "fuck off little girl." then he said "one day you realise why i'm leaving your mom and you guys"

And I did. He left for another woman and drugs.

Before he even left, me, my mom, my two siblings, suffered mentally/emotionally and verbal abuse and some physical.

After those years passed, he wants back in our fucking lives? My mom doesn't have the guts to say no, and said it wasn't right to allow my dad not to see us (us refering me, and my two siblings)

And at first, I never wanted him back into my life. I didnt either. Until October 2015. Halloween. Okay, stayed at his house once, and that is it, didn't come back until x-mas, cause my mom said "just go over there for the holidays."

So I went, and he drugged me. Weed and pills. At 11 or 12, I thought it was cool, so I went back there every other weekend. And the next time I can back he made me feel like shit by saying

"Ava told me you didnt want to come here because you didnt like me"

And I lied, saying no no I was just busy extc.

And that night, I realised why I didnt want nothing to do with him, so I cut myself. And yeah unraveled from there. (Not going into my cutting stages)

But, a lil while after that, I started to abuse drugs. My 12-13 ages. I abused drugs so badly. Drugs was my excuse for fucking everything. (Not getting into that either)

But my dad fucked me over, for the longest time ever. And now im really pissed off that my dad has the fucking balls to call him my dad

*Note I am 14 years old*

I'm currently at my dads' right now for bout the next 30 min, and this weekend is like shit.

My dad recently got a new place *clap clap*
And I sat in a corner, stoned, and zoned out. My dad walks over to me.
"You know we got plenty of knives" then he looks at my wrist
(Which is buried with cuts and scars"

I looked at him like what tf. I asked him what was I supposed to take it. I asked him if he was trying to hit to cut myself. and he said "what ever you please"

That freaked me the fuck out.

Saturday, Im wearing shorts and a tank-top,my dad
"You know we have razors in the bathroom right?"
I looked at my armpits *dont ask, just bare with me* and he said "Oh you dont need to shave there" then he looks at my thighs, legs, and feets *which is pretty badly beat up*

I looked at him and asked him what the fuck. And that was that.

Then he said later that night. "So do you think your mom will let you stay until like 8 tomorrow night" I told him no, I have to work.

And he looked at me "No, you don't have a job"

I told him "No, but I have yard work to do, to get my god damn phone, Ma wants to get me"

And he said "Oh so you want to leave earlier than"

I said no, I just have to work.

(It will be nice to have a phone where I can call people off of, instead of having my phone my parents dont know about that cant work without wifi)

And he made me feel like shit after that.

And today, Sunday. My dad asked me if I wanted an work for him for a min, I said alright it gets me out of the house. He wanted me to go to dollar general to get him some mt.dew and a redbull.

I said okay, and he said 3 blocks that way, and then take a right. He gave me the wrong directions, and I got lost.

And I came back to his place no body was there, so I said alright they are probably going swimming like they where supposed to so, I went on my laptop and chill.

He came home,
"Your a fucking retard where tf where you"

I told him I got lost, and he said "Yeah no fucking dip"

And he said which way did I take and I told him, and he said "I didnt say go that way"

I told him, you didnt tell me that

And he goes "Yeah I did"

And he allowed my little brother and sister, to yell at me and call me names like
"stuipd" and "idiot" and that hurt, cause without them I wouldn't be fucking alive. And yeah made me feel bad bout that.

And later today, he showed me a quote that said
"A daughter should never fear her father. She looks up to him, cause she knows, that he is one of the few men that will never hurt her."

I wanted to fucking cry. Cause that damn things was a fucking lie. He WAS the first man to hurt me. He fucking left. He broke my heart before anyone had the fucking chance to.

And I said "Aww"
And he said "Well fuck you to"

And yeah. I have my douche ass father who is currently tryna guilt trip me to move in with him.

Cause when me and my mom had very bad issues, I gave my dad another chance I told him i wanted to live with him cause I couldn't take my mom.

And now that me and her are cool, he is being very fucking clingy on me trynna live with him. And I dont wanna. I like where im at, I like the school im in with my mom, and I told my dad that.

And he said "that's alright you can make new friends over at this high school"

IF I decide to leave ICHS, for FMHS, Im leaving, all my friends, leaving the two guys Im talking with who are in the era where my mom is at and my dad dont fucking care.

So yeah, thank you for taking the time to read this!
I just wanted to rant, but any advice is appreciated.
And yeah, thanks!
Have a great day or night wherever you are


I'm not looking for sympathy, just understanding- Jacoby Shaddix <3

Last edited by .:Bibliophile:.; November 13th 2017 at 12:34 AM. Reason: Adding a strong language prefix