[gloves123]

My anxiety does weird things sometimes

I no longer have a solid concept of time. I could be on the bus for 20 minutes and feel three hours has passed. Alternatively I could blink and look up to see I've been spaced out for two hours. I fear rooms with no clocks, how long has it been?

Often times I have no grasp of reality. I'll go through a whole day feeling disconnected from my body, as if I'm just watching a movie play in front of my eyes and I'm simply an audience of one. My hands don't feel like my own as they shake, my body isn't mine, where am I?

The world gets too loud for me too often. Every sound is nails on a chalkboard, piercing my ears and rattling my brain. My head spins, I want to scream, I need to get away. Somewhere quiet. But even silence gets to be too loud. Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't fucking touch me.

I wake up too early and can't get back to sleep. I see 3:00 am. My heart pounds, my ears rattle with the sound of my shaking breath. I toss and turn, as if I might straighten out the knots in my stomach. If I get up I'll feel better, but my limbs don't move. Its too warm, I'm suffocating. But my skin is cold to the touch. I shiver quietly under the blankets. Surely it must be time to wake up. I see 3:10 am.

I keep my head down and look at the heels of others ahead of me. Don't walk to fast, but keep up with the crowd. Hope no one notices the ear plugs in place of headphones. The ringing in my ears sings in countless different notes, all out of tune, all out of sync. Fall back, don't walk to close to them. Eyes down, eyes down, eyes down.