[bahbah]

So there was this boy. We were together for quite a while, about a year but not technically official, as in he hadn't asked me out but everyone knew we were a thing. Then we stopped talking for a while, 3 weeks I think it was but I hadnt stopped liking him. It was a holiday and sometimes I just dont talk to people and he had started chatting up this other girl and they had told each other that they liked each other. Then we started talking because one of my friends came to town and we were both close to her. Then he told the other girl he didn't like her and told me he liked me (not that blunt but you get the point). Everything was fine and we liked each other, same thing as before, not official.
Then we didnt talk for about 2 weeks and he thought I liked this other guy I was friends with (and that guy was friends with him and told him he liked me) so we stopped talking for about 2 weeks. And oh look he is talking to the same girl again. They confessed to each other and I didnt know and told him I liked him he said its too late he can't do that to her again even though he still likes me. Then later I asked if he liked me (again not like that but you get the point) and he said no. I stopped talking to him because I didnt wanna get between them but I was really upset because I really liked this guy. I lost 5kg in 2 weeks, didnt sleep and cried so much.
But then after our exams us and all of our friends went out and she wasnt there. I was supposed to stay over at my friends house but she wanted to stay at his bc everyone else was. Our friends got pretty drunk and started puking and stuff so we all went back to his place, showered and whatever. Then we went to a shop to get food and water for the rest of our friends (no one else wanted to come with us) and we talked and stuff. Not flirting.
But basically we ended up staying in the same room when we got back and everyone was asleep and we kissed. Even though I knew he was with her. I brought her up but he still kissed me and held my hands and stuff.
I just feel really really guilty but I know if I was in the same situation I'd do it again. Im a terrible person. She knows about it and so do her friends. They've broken up now and me and that boy are together OFFICIALLY now but I still feel so terrible and I think about it all the time even thought its been about 2 months. Please help I cant get over it