[Latte]

While I think that you absolutely need to see a doctor urgently and get this treated AND that you need to fess up to you true medical history, including the bulimia, and you obviously have reasons for and against recovery right now, I think you need to look at the fact that there are 2 separate issues.

1. The bulimia, which is likely the root cause
2. The puking up blood, which is the emergent situation.

I think you need to focus on getting the emergent situation handled immediately. Puking up blood is a sign of so many major health issues. If you are still actively purging, this situation probably won't resolve on it's own if it is being brought on or exaggerated by the purging because you'll constantly be aggravating the issue, but regardless, that only doubles the reason for needing immediate medical attention because you're current lifestyle/mental state/state of physical health isn't likely to allow for easy recovery.

Yes, recovery is important, but no, none of us can make you do that before you're ready. I've suffered from bulimia for, well, it probably started when I was 8 (just the seed, just enough to grow and get worse), became full blown when I was in university, the causes still lingers today and I go to therapy and have a dietitian for recovering from it. I get it, but you still need to see a doctor if you're puking. Look, you need to recover, especially if it is causing you to vomit blood but you also need to realize that vomiting blood is dangerous and you could risking permanent damage if you don't get help for that aspect alone, recovery or not. So please, please, consider setting aside recovery, accept that that can come later, but please just get the bloody vomit part handled and go from there ok, let the doctors tell you about recovery, take that information, hold onto it, and consider at least taking baby steps towards recovery,.... ok, I'm circling now, please don't take it lightly ok.