I am struggling so much with being alive right now. It's not like I'll kill myself because it's passive thoughts. I just worry that it will turn to active thoughts.

I tried talking to my dad about my stress and he was like "I know I did it all my life". Cool, good for you. I can't do this all my life because all I need is one small thing to happen and my thoughts will become active.

I shouldn't have to fall apart in order for people to realize that I am not doing okay. D is the only one who recognizes the issue.