[Katielovebug11]

Since my rape, I have been closer to girls now and feel that the only way I will have sex anymore is with a girl. I have gotten close to a couple guys over the last year but the moment i see their penis or them just naked i just freeze and close down. I never try to actually have sex, just isn't going to happen. I haven't had sex with a guy since my rape but I want to.

I have also gotten closer to a friend of mine who is a girl, and it's been awkward at times as i never considered myself a lesbian or bi, but being with her is so much easier that being said I have no idea what i am doing, i just like the touching and kissing and just feeling another body against mine. I like the idea she doesn't have a penis which is what scares me the most.

That said, is this good for me? I mean I am torn between trying to have sex with a guy and i guess trying to be a lesbian so i can have sex with someone?? I am very confused on what I am doing. What feels right and what feels wrong are so intertwined and now what feels right is wrong and what is wrong feels right? Any help?