I guess I should start by saying I identify as queer. I am attracted to people of all gender identities (but I like the term "queer" better than "pansexual"). I should also say I do have a lot of experience with dating. Granted most of those experiences have been short-lived, without developing into relationships, but I have had my fair share of relationships, too (largely due to the fact I am polyamorous).

However, despite all this experience, which has given me lots of insight over the years, I have a lot of dating anxiety, namely surrounding the whole "do they like me?" thing. This is especially the case with women. To be honest I am more attracted to women and fellow non-binary folks than I am to men, and I am so shy with them. I fret way more with worrying whether or not a woman I am pursuing likes me, if I said or did the wrong thing, if I should've sent that text, if I'm messing up. I don't get that anxious with men.

I think part of the reason I have a hangup is because of recent history. Most of the times in the last three or four years I have pursued women they'd go on a couple of dates with me. I thought we were getting on great, but then for some reason it just fizzled out. Sometimes they ghosted, but usually they told me they found someone else and they didn't want to see me anymore. It hurt every time and it made me think something is wrong with me. It made me more self-conscious.

I realize anxiety serves a purpose of some sort, but I think it's harming me way more than it's helping. I worry I will actually mess up not because a woman doesn't like me, but because my anxiety makes things difficult. I just don't know why I can't believe a woman likes me. Even when one says she had a good time and would love to hang out again I am not believing it and I don't know what to do. I don't want my anxiety to a) drive me crazy and bring down my self-esteem and b) push away a potential person I want to have intimate relations with or a romantic relationship with.

What do I do?