[Ennui.]

I woke up and scrolled Facebook like I normally do and there was a picture of a bunch of my friends visiting each other and it hurt since I wasn't even invited.

At first, the borderline personality disorder side of my brain decided they hate me and don't actually want to be friends with me and just tolerate me.

In reality it's probably because I don't drive. The obvious solution is to get my license, please don't tell me that. I know, I do know. I have appointments for driving lessons although they may have to reschedule for my surgery. I have failed twice. I'm trying but it's just hard, okay? But it's also hard and painful knowing I'm missing out with seeing people that I haven't seen in a while and miss dearly because I don't drive. Of course, there's also the appointments and things I have to hide and find workarounds to get to, and the thing where I can't work most jobs in my field because they require driving, so it all just hurts.

I had to stop scrolling Facebook and get off for at least a few hours until the newsfeed refreshes. It just hurts to be missing out on all these things in life.