[Ennui.]

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. It sounds so frustrating to me that her surgeon canceled and now everything is delayed.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was in the fourth grade, so I was a lot younger than you were now. Honestly a lot of what helped me actually emote was not saying silent and talking about it with my parents. I don't know how your family operates, but mine was very open to conversation and wanted to be honest with me about the things that my dad was going through. I know you may want to avoid doing that because you don't want to worry your mom, but sometimes it can be good for you two to process what's actually happening.

Do you think going with your mom to her appointments, if it's allowed/if your mom is comfortable with it, would help make things feel more real to you? That way you hear exactly from the doctors what is going on and can ask questions, and you can also see a bit about what your mom is going through. I went to my dad's chemo appointment once and it was definitely eye-opening.

Sometimes it also takes time to really process how we are feeling. Keeping a journal of your thoughts and the things that are going on may help you at least come to an understanding.

I hope this helps.

Dez