[Silvan]

For as long as I can remember, I have felt immense guilt because of, well, everything. My family has been able to afford more or less everything we needed, we're not well-off but I've never had to worry about money for food or clothes etc. And I've always felt sorry for people who cannot afford everything they need/want, in the sense I've always felt guilty about it. I work in a coffee shop and now with the inflation everything has become quite expensive; sometimes people come and I can see they would really like some coffee or doughnut but it's too expensive for them. I feel so awful with this fact, even though I have nothing to do with the prices we have (and actually I know they must be so high if the boss is supposed to keep up the business). My boyfriend comes from a poor family and he has to make a living himself, nobody would help him in need, and I feel bad about it because I know I have a home that I can always come back to if I need. So instead of cherishing it, I feel I'm guilty for it. I often feel unneeded, a burden and disappointment, because I work in a coffee shop and I get extra money from my parents each month, otherwise I wouldn't be able to make a living. Now that I'm writing this post I can see that all of this somehow boils down to money, and my brain generates so much thoughts and emotions about it... the fact they makes me feel so awful definitely contributes to my depression.

I wanted to vent a bit, but also hear your thoughts about this. I grew up with my loving mother, but I saw my father regularly, now I have a good relationship with both of them and visit them often. I have absolutely no idea where my weird attitude to money comes from.
Thanks for reading, it turned out longer than I had anticipated
Take care,
Sue