[Soda_Voxel]

Just some thoughts I've had...

Oftentimes I find myself fantasising to self harm, ironically, as a means of comfort. If I have an injury, I am able to look after it and nurse it. When I am hurt or want to hurt, I imagine being comforted, having my wounds patched up, being kept safe and looked after. I feel the desire to hurt myself just for some comfort. This isn't the only reason I do it but it is one of them.

After self harming, it curbs the urges beyond just the pain. Of course the pain is at the forefront, but seeing the aftermath, the healing area, feeling the texture of my skin in the affected area, I am reminded of what I did and it keeps the 'satisfaction' going for a while after.

This is why my more 'mild' and more commonly used self harm methods are less satisfying to me...they hurt, but not for as long. There are less or no marks left behind. There is no sense of healing or comfort, and it is a fleeting distraction to my emotions than the lasting 'grace period' that my most severe form gives me.

Sometimes I fantasise about being severely hurt, be it of my own accord or not, and then daydreaming about being looked after in a hospital or some such other. It really is strange my touch starvation driven desire for comfort, and my bizarre ways my brain wants to achieve it.

I know there are much healthier forms of healing and looking after myself, and of course I enjoy those...but these are just very prominent thoughts to me and I wanted to comment on them. Thanks for reading.