[Ballsack]

So a little back story. I've always loved animation ever since elementary school and I always knew I wanted to be an an animator when I grew up. So obviously I would want to choose animation for college. But next year I'm supposed to go to college, I already knew which college I'm gonna go to that have an animation or at least art major and suddenly my mom told me I'm not allowed to take animation in college. And she told me that I wanted to take animation not because I actually like animation and wanna be an animator and all that jazz, but I chose animation and art in general because it's easy. Oh so we're just ignoring the years I learned to draw and all the times I told her about my dreams? Alright. And she said that if I wanted art that bad then I'm only allowed to do film. Film is similar to animation. Of course. But I don't love film the same way I love animation. I just couldn't. So after I thought about my future in film I finally accepted that I won't survive that. I couldn't. I'm the type of person who wouldn't move forward if I truly hate something. So I told my mom "fine I'm giving up my art. I'll choose engineering or physics or something" and she looked really happy. And for a while I was really depressed. I try not to be. But that also means I got tired of fighting for my choices. My mom is the type of person who would give me an illusion of free will. She would give me choices but if I choose something that she doesn't like she would try and persuade me to choose the other one. So obviously I got tired of that shit and just let her have her way. But lately she's been calling me weak. What? Is she stupid? She's the one who's making the choice FOR ME and she doesn't like it when I choose the opposite so obviously I just followed her decisions. And I'm weak? Okay. If that's how it goes I'm fine with that. I'm sick and tired of this. I'm never living life the way I wanted and I bet I'll die without reaching any of the goals I set for myself. I'm tired and she's playing a stupid game. The version of me that I try to built up since childhood will never see the light of day. I give up. I'll just let her do whatever she wants at this point. No use in fighting, it'll just make me feel worse. I'd rather just be stupid for now. I'll do it. I'll take engineering, or physics, and whatever she wants me to do. Yeah who even wants to follow their dreams. In this economy?