[Ballsack]

Honestly for most of my life I feel like I haven't really experienced life to the fullest. That's because to go out I still would need money. Money for transport, money for food, and this isn't really necessary but money to buy. So imagining having to work or study where of course I need to focus on my task and that would sometimes mean that I have to sacrifice my social life feels dissapointing.

I thought that when I grow up I could take back all the lost time. I could finally have fun and be free, but apparently not and it's so very dissapointing.

I'm starting to realise that maybe my dreams for my future might be pretty simple. I just want to have fun and not worry about a lot of stuff. Not worry about how I look, how others precieve me, about money, etc. But apparently that is a luxury, one that I need to work hard to achieve. It makes me feel bitter to know that even the simplest things in life such as joy and travel is now commodified with an expensive price tag.

Maybe if I were able to enjoy the outside world more then I wouldn't turn out like this. Maybe I could find it in me to be motivated in life. But everything is so expensive nowadays that I'm not even sure if that will happen.

I feel childish, I feel like a spoiled brat, I feel tired and dissapointed.