[Ballsack]

I never had a proper diagnosis and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get one, but to me it's really obvious that I have depression and social anxiety. Part of this is probably from dysphoria so I'm not too worried about that because something in me tells me that I will transition and that will ease my dysphoria.

But recently I realised that I probably have executive dysfunction? I read a bit and it's probably because of the depression but to me it feels more intense than what online descriptions say. Like for example, I'd rather genuinely harm myself than doing a homework even though once I finally did it it would only take about 30 minutes of my time. I really want to say it's probably me being dramatic but it really affects my life.

I've been better lately and I want to be better but this thing is literally blocking the way. It's kind of distressing because at times it really does feel like I'm being stopped physically from doing a simple task. Like yeah maybe signing up for that scholarship isn't exactly pleasant but for some reason my mind equates that "not really pleasant" is the same as "life threatening situation".

I hope someone knows what this is exactly so I could learn more about it and hopefully find a way to get through it because I have goals and I don't want to be stopped.