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Double X Offline
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Name: Kyle
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Boston

Posts: 1,621
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: March 11th 2009

I must like this - July 15th 2009, 05:55 AM

I mean it's so sad that I keep coming back to this. I keep having rotating feelings from mind-numbing, dark guilt-ridden emptiness. I'd like to say they are mood swings, but I notice changes in my own personality and it's pissing me off. I really must enjoy this, because it keeps happening. A feeling of hopelessness, something I cling to, I need to feel it so I don't have to anything and don't have to feel like I need to do anything. Which I guess comes back to not wanting to do anything ever...just wanting to die.

I guess I don't see the harm in death. It's a choice, right? I am not non-religious, more like anti-religious, but I am still essentially an atheist. I know that there is nothing after life. I don't expect anything, I don't really want anything either. It must be such a liberating die. I mean people say they feel nothing, but they still have a lack of feeling, so they still feel a lack of feeling. Death is simply nothing. You can't even feel yourself being nothing? I dunno, how does that even work? Can we even describe it? I have yet to come to a real, hard reason not to do myself in.

I am clearly one of those retarded zebras in animal planet, the ones that end up getting eaten or starving. Just one of those weaker ones that can't really do anything and just go off and die. I am done rambling to you imaginary helpers, my sleeping pills are kicking in and that means I am going to be out for a few hours.

Please give me a real reason, not that 'your parents would be heartbroken!!!111 omg' or that people care about me, because it won't matter because I would be dead. Please, philosophical or anything. I really, really want to hear one.

"We will ask nothing. We will demand nothing. We will take." -- May 1968, French Graffiti