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dancer Offline
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Age: 28
Gender: Female

Posts: 1,234
Join Date: March 25th 2009

Re: I must like this - July 15th 2009, 06:30 AM

Hi Kyle,

sorry to hear about how you've been feeling. And sorry if this advice sounds generic or anything - I'll try to be more original in a sec - but have you tried talking to a doctor or anything about the mood swings? Because there could be a concrete, chemical reason for that which your doctor might be able to shed some light on.

That's a really interesting analogy, about the zebra. But at least from the tone in your writing, you don't seem weak or anything. Unsure and lost are not the same thing as weak. Strong people can still feel helpless - just have to figure out how the strength that really is there can come out.

Anyway, not being dead, I can't really tell you what death is like. Nobody, relgious or not religious, really can. But I wouldn't prematurely rush to it, then, in the hopes that it might be something or even just "nothing" - because nobody can tell you what the rest of your life is going to be like, either. Death'll come eventually; why miss out on the chance to find out what life is going to be like in the mean time?

And anyway, what about what you hope for? What you want to accomplish? Those things matter. Even if there is "nothing" after death, this life is something, and matters. You have the chance to create an entire narrative, and you're the only one, ever, who could ever write that particular one, and as long as you keep breathing, you're guaranteed that your ink isn't going to run out and you'll have the chance to develop or change things in a next chapter.

And sorry if this gets a bit technical, but your choices, seemingly "just for you," have an affect on other people. Not just in the way that it would affect those who know you, but even those who don't know you. Going with the whole current physical theory of the universe with space and time and whatnot, matter (such as a human person) changes the way space and time curve around it (for example, the way a mattress curves under the weight of someone sitting on it). Take away the matter, and suddenly there's nothing pressing down on the underlying infrastructure of spacetime, and that sends out what are essentially "shock ripples," like the ripples that would disturb a pond if someone suddenly pulled a fishing like on it. Anyway, the ripples are just that - ripples, and your actions and their effect on your local patch of spacetime ripples out to affect how it's curving around other people. In making a choice that affects you, you really are affecting other people, too. What sort of mark do you want to make on the universe? Because your matter matters.

Sorry, you asked for "philosophical or anything"

But really, hang in there, Kyle.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.