[ridiculousness]

I still think of that horrid mistake. Nearly a year ago. I dwell on purpose because I feel like I deserve how miserable I am for it.

I hate being touched, but I cant help myself.
I won't admit it, for everyone thinks I've gotten so much better...but I still consider suicide on a daily basis.

I think I've started something easily preventable. I can't keep myself from vomiting after many snacks/meals. i don't want to lose weight. i just feel disgusting and undeserving when I eat.