Thread: Triggering (SH): At a loss
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Name: Harriet
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 25
Join Date: July 29th 2009

At a loss - August 16th 2009, 02:05 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, hi everyone, it's me, Harriet, some of you know me already.
So I posted a thread a while ago about how I failed and I couldn't resist the urge and got some really supportive replies, thanks so much. So this isn't gonna be so much a lament for my situation, more that I'm a bit confused.
So here goes: Basically, I was just at this summer camp for 2 weeks, and I just got back. It was really intensive, (it's like this ancient Greek Summer School thing) and it really knocked my confidence while I was there, also I had no access to this website (which has been my ROCK for the past month- thank you guys all so much). So picture me, stuck in the middle of nowhere with no-one to talk about my issues, getting more and more miserable as I realised how clever everyone was and feeling a bit meh in general.
This doesn't sound too bad, really, does it? And I know that, I mean, I know I overreacted but last week it all got a bit much, I was rejected by this guy who said he liked me but then got off with my friend, I had to lie to my parents and say how well everything was going while I watched my dreams being crushed and my parents were arguing more than ever. So last week I overdosed on painkillers, not wanting to cut myself...I didn't want to kill myself (at least I don't think so) just go to sleep for a really long time (I'm an insomniac too) and then spent the rest of the time self harming whenever I needed to, especially when I was drunk - more of a fail than ever.
So now, I'm home, and I have to go to Cornwall in a few days with my family and go to the beach, wear a short sleeves etc, showing to the world the scars which I have been so careful to avoid over the last few months - great. So I just....well I didn't know what to do, and coming here always makes me feel better, I froze up again in s&a in chat so I thought if I just got it out here it would make me feel better.
Thanks so much if you've taken the time to read this far and sorry to take up your time.

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