Re: ''Laura, why are you so depressed?'' (A little explanation which i'll complete soon) -
January 21st 2009, 11:34 AM
You know, sometimes I wish that I could start over. How the hell did I ever get into this mess? I need an explanation, but only I hold the answer to that question. Over the years I've tried so hard to get myself out of this state, but I've also ungone many attempts on my life also. Sometimes I just find it so hard, I find it hard to find that peaceful place I know exists. I know it exists somewhere out there, I just need to find it. I'm happier than last night right now, but still things don't seem okay. Everything seems distant, I don't feel here, its a strange feeling. Okay, so its half past four, everyone's gone out meaning I'm sat here alone. I keep laughing for some strange reason, I don't even know why anymore, maybe I'm mad, maybe...
I was thinking...I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have so much going on in my mind, yet I don't trust myself to take a walk alone. I feel so emotional, I could break down at any moment, I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to tear into my arm with something...anything...I want to be free, free from this pain that suffocates me. Today didn't help much to be honest, they told me everything I already knew =/ Still, *sigh*
I know you're all probably sick of me, moaning on and on, but this is the only place I have left and if I didn't have this place, then...who knows...I'm sorry for moaning about how crap my life is, okay? I just...I need to get it out somewhere, like the rest of you do...
I feel happy, yet I feel empty. I feel cold inside. I feel dead inside.
I think I'm gonna write my parents a note and go walk to the streets for a while