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Name: Caitlyn
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: Rio Rancho New Mexico

Posts: 146
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: July 16th 2009

Game over - November 5th 2009, 06:38 PM

We're taking a long walk down memory lane, ladies and gents.

It all started at the end of3 ade. My best friend moved away and my other best friend was a guy and didn't quite understand. He and I ecame very close over the summer and in 4th grade to our horror, we were stuck in different classes. I was in tears when I got home because a girl (I wont put ay names) tormented me. I've always struggled with my weight and I began to hate myself and my reflection. I befriended a girl a year older than me and she and I became interested in witchcraft. I didn't practice it but I was very interested. So, my teacher and other students began to notice how my eyes were red-rimmed all the time and one day I was pulled out of class and sent to the counsler's office with a boy in my class. He and I had never spoken but we became ok friends. Mrs. A. became my lifeline in school. And a few other girls whom were tormented by my personl demon, came and had lunch with me and Mrs. A. We had such a wonderful time.

5th grade. I was once again alone, and I quickly made friends with some of the girls and had my first crush. I began to read manga, and the boys would tease me for always having my nose stuck in a book. Then the horrible news came...I was moving.

I moved to fl. with my family and we styed with my cousins. That's when everything went to hell in a handbasket. These girls made mine and my sister's lives HELL. We finally got to our own place and my mom decided to HS us. Much to my shock and pleasure, I skipped 6th grade! I was so happy! my sister was a little resentful and I won't deny it, I am gifted when it comes to school. My not. Don't think bad of me that I said that. Anyway, we had such a wonderful suprise Vaca! We went to the virgin islands! For one magical week, I was free! no one knew me, and I had the time of my life! I should have known my luck wouldn't last. My father quit his job. And we were unemployed for 8 months. My father had been addicted to porn and I caught him several times. We were evicted. None of us wanted to talk to him. I hated him. I still do.

We eventually got righted and were once again isolated in NM. No one knew sand we didn't know them. 8th grade passes horribly and we had to move b/c the house we were in had mold. I had been a cutter those few years.

Here we are, 9th grade and I'm still boiling with hatred. I have meds, but nothing is working. Do you see what I am going through? Do you see my pain? I don't want sympathy I just want someone to know why I am the way I am. I want someone to know my story wehn I'm gone. I want someone to care enough to help me.

My mother loves me. She is my best friend. My sister will miss me, she's allright for a goofball. But I can't take all of these emotions inside of me. It's all over and everything has finally come down.

Game over.

Someone save me from myself...