Thread: Female Advice Preferred: Help me with my daughter...
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Re: Help me with my daughter... - December 3rd 2009, 12:48 AM

Talk to your daughter... CALMLY. It's understandable that you would FEEL panicked, but by SOUNDING panicked, you'll only give her the impression that you are an unreasonable, old-fashioned, controlling mother. She needs to see you as an authoratative figure, but as one that she can trust and talk to without feeling childish and misunderstood.

Your daughter is aware of the potential dangers of dating someone she's met via the internet... we all are, so telling her that won't change anything. Rather than listing all of the things that COULD go wrong, address the things that HAVE gone wrong:

1) Her blatant disregard for your rules, such as being in bed by a certain time.
You've already grounded her for disregarding your rules, but explain to her in more detail WHY she was grounded. Just saying "No" or "You can't" won't put you back in control. Teens want facts and answers, and even though they're not adults, they want to be treated as such.

2) Her self-harm.
This is my biggest concern, moreso than her flirtations with a man who lives two states away. Your daughter needs support, and possibly even psychological counseling/therapy, in order to address this issue. Find out why she is cutting. Is it for attention/out of spite for what you've done? Or is she coping with physical/emotional pain? Whatever the reason, it needs to stop, before this behavior escalates into something more severe.