[lost_chil]

My father we thinkk is Bipolar, and suffers from extream depression, all of which is untreated. Anyways he left about 5 years ago and thank god.

I am writing this because I am woundering if he was abusive... I think he was when he was around. here are some events that happened and his response.

My sister not going to bed because she missed mom, resulted in a HARD spanking at the age of 10/11.

Me upset because dad was making me goto bed early, resulted in him throwing my keyboard across the room, hitting me/spanking at age 12/13.

Mom asking me or sis to do any work, he would flip out and freak out, lash out to her. by hitting, yelling cursing, leaving for the night.

He would constantly beat me, hit me, yell at me, guilt me, etc. I always thoguht it was normal...

and now I fear being in a relationship with any man because of him. I refer to all men as abusive, non caring, son of a *******s, that hit, throw, scream, yell, get mad over every little thing. I can't see men in any other way now. I have maybe 3 friends that are guys, and it's hard even having them. Now with my moms new bf, soon-to-be step-dad it's hard to trust him, accept him. I don't think I will ever accept him for that role, for I have removed any and all forms of my father.

Because of him I can't even trust men, let alone befriend them, or even have a relationship with them. They scare me. I don't even know why I am posting this, but I am just woundering what you guys thought... Please be honest. He also sexually abused my mother, yup, raped her... With us in the same house, almost not even a room away...

-Alice-