[AmethystDrew]

I tried today.

I really, really tried today. I drank some juice in the morning, before going to physiotherapy (I was in a bad car accident in the fall, messed up my spine - but luckily am still fully mobile and am healing nicely!)... and it stayed down, it didn't make me TOO nauseous, I was feeling good.

Then I came home from physiotherapy and played video games, was feeling good... and decided that I'd make myself eat dinner while my roommate was there, so that I couldn't go purge. Or, at least, to make it more awkward to go throw up, since it's kind of loud sometimes, y'know?

Well, I made myself a nice healthy meal, it tasted divine... and, ten minutes after finishing it, I went to the bathroom, claiming the runs (I've had them for a few days now). Couldn't help myself - it was feeling worse not purging than it does to not eat. And I've found that I can control how loud it is. My roommate didn't ask.

Then, we went to a friend's house. I had a handful of chicken wings, a couple slices of pizza, and then, once the set in Rock Band was over... excused myself to go to the bathroom. Again. I'd thought that making myself eat at a friend's would make me keep it down.

Any suggestions on how I can force myself to not purge? I've done it at school, home, and now a friend's house. I've tried at a restaurant, and only stopped myself because my fear of getting caught by the open door was worse than the feeling I got keeping it down.

This is taking over my life. I've told my best friend now, but I... don't know how to tell my roommate. He'll just be so... helpless. I can't spread that misery.