Hey there!
First of all, Welcome to
TH. I'm glad you reached out for help. Lying is actually a bigger issue then many people realize.
I am a compulsive liar. I'm in therapy and on medication for depression and borderline personality disorder. They said that a lot of my lies are to cover up how I truly am feeling, or to fit in. Just an idea but, does the friend you lied to not study? Does he not need to study because he is so smart? Does he think people who study are nerds? Do you feel like, telling him you were studying would have made him think differently of you?
Many times there are reasons why you lie. Like with your mom. If she asked you to eat something and you didn't, then you lie so you don't get introuble. If you didn't study for an exam and she asked, again, your lying so you don't get introuble. Viceversa, if you did study and your telling her you didn't, you may want that attention. Maybe because you want to know she cares about you, what you eat, and your grades. Its weird to hear that you want attention, but its totally not uncommon. Tons of people crave attention. They don't want to be in the center but, sometimes we just don't get enough attention to satisfy us. Now, if none of this sounds like you, thats okay. It just was my observation.
So, "Why can't I tell the truth."
You said your a chronic liar. But it seems like it is something that is kind of out of your control. No matter how many times you try to stop, it just keeps happening. That fits a little bit more with compulsive liars. When your a compulsive liar its easy to get yourself in the routine of lying. It can get you out of trouble, get you attention, satisfy someone elses curiosity. Again, I don't know your situation, just an observation.
Why do I need to lie? Even though it doesn't get me anything?
Truth- every lie gets you something. Even if it is just the sheer comfort in lying. I know that sounds weird. Comfort in lying? Its true. Sometimes it is more comfortable to lie. Even if you lie about something silly like, if you sleep with your door open or closed. Usually you want some sort of emotion out of the other person. Such as, "Wow, weird, I've never met someone who sleeps with their door open" Or, "Did you know your supposed to sleep with your door closed incase your house catches on fire." When lying, even subconsiously, your looking for a specific reaction from the person you are lying to.
Do I need therapy?
Therapy can be very helpful. Like your last question, you don't know why your lying. Therapy can help uncover those hidden feelings. With me, it was my borderline personality disorder. I lied about why/how/what I was feeling because I didn't understand my feelings. Personally, I would recommend it. The best thing is that therapists are so respectful. They do not judge you for your lies. You could tell them you lied about the most extreame situation, and they will still respect you and try to help you. Lying is usually tied in with other conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, ect. Many people say that if you work on curing the underlying problem, aka, depression, the lying will slowly come to a hault. Its been proven true for me, so it may work for you too.
What do I do?
First. Don't be ashamed. Its okay to have a problem. Just like those who are alcoholics, drug addicts, self harmers, or any form of addcits, lying is hard to stop. It becomes a habit. Its easy to start, hard to stop. You have to truly be determind. You have to want it! A few ideas. Start a lie journal. Sometimes when people go on diets, they make a food journal. They write down every little bit of food they eat, down to the squirts of ketchup. With a lie journal, you write down every lie that exits your mouth. Later on you advance to writing down every lie you even think about telling! Its tough. The main reason for it is because it makes you accountable for your lies. They are in your face, right there in black and white (Or blue, purple, green, red, whatever color ink you use) You have to acknowledge them. The goal is this: On March 18th you lied 57 times. On march 19 you will only lie 56 times. If you can handle more, maybe cut out 5 lies. It creates a goal for you. A daily goal you have to work towards. It makes it so that lying is a constant thought in your mind. So you try to catch yourself before you let more slip. Just like the diet journal, you will slowly stop lying. Its not something that will happen over night. Like I've said, you have to work towards it.
Another good option is to take 2 breaths before you answer any question. In those two breaths have two questions in your mind. A few examples might be, "Why am I lying?" "What am I going to get out of this?" "Whats the truth?" "Would it be so bad to tell the truth?" "Will this lie cause problems in the long run?" "Will the truth cause problems in the long run?" So, pick two of those and everytime you go to answer a question, think them through. People may look at you weird for taking so long to answer a question but, eventually those two questions will run through your mind so fast you won't need the two breaths. This is so that your thinking over your thoughts before you answer.
Telling those around you that you have a problem with lying can also prove to be helpful. It helps them catch you in your lies and makes you more accountable for them. If they catch you, then appologize, and tell them the truth. This way your getting pracitice in telling the truth. I know telling people sounds kind of scary but, it will really help in the long run. Especially if you end up telling a large lie. If you do, and you come clean, they MAY be more relaxed about it because they knew about it in the first place. I know you said that you want people to trust you without a shadow of doubt. If you are open and honest about your problem, it will actually help people be more trusting. It shows that your open, and willing to get help, instead of lying inspite of peoples feelings.
I know I've given you tons of information but, since I am a compulsive liar myself, I have a wealth of knowledge about this stuff. If you need anything else feel free to
PM me and I'll try to help you the best I can. Please know you aren't alone. It seems weird to have such a problem with lying, I know. It took me years to admit it to myself, friends and family. However, I believe you can get through this. I think we all can. Take care and keep trying. Don't give up when it gets tough, which it will. Its not an easy road but you can make it. Keep your head up.