I read your post and you've had such a tough time, it's not fair.
It's completely okay to feel down, noone should ever get at you for that. Ever. Suicidal thoughts are a really difficult thing to come through, but remember, life is a game. We can stop playing, and lose, but then everyone around us loses too. Or we can keep playing, and we can win, just by keeping playing, and everyone around us will win with us. Thinking that way got me through alot.
You sound so strong, and such a wonderful person, you might be a bit different, and have had different experiences, but that makes you an Individual. And an Amazing Individual at that
If you want to talk to someone confidentially, who is non judgemental, and online the majority of the time (I have no life :P) I'm almost always about. Or you can email me at email@example.com
or add me on MSN/Windows Live. I won't get stressed at you or anything. Really. I'm very relaxed.
Keep holding on sweetie, and I send my best wishes!